Exclusive Evil - Smart Pistol User History
Exclusive Evil - Smart Pistol User History
Your Bullet Buddy records.
When I promise a bonus, you get a bonus. Share it to save my ego.
Your rights and safety can coexist. The 2033 Arctic Fox is the first truly smart gun, featuring a handy “Bullet Buddy” A.I. to take notes. Helping you relive your favorite memories at the range, or set the record straight after a Self-Defense Incident.
Meanwhile, our security shields your data from scammers, advertisers, and tyrants. Remember: never surrender your Bullet Buddy transcript without a warrant.
Focus on protecting what’s yours. We’ll keep your notes in a no-nonsense, easily searchable, and briskly readable format.
AF33 USER HISTORY:
Date: 6/26
Action: Purchase.
Details: Unit ordered from Minuteman Market web store. Marketing emails declined.
Date: 7/1
Action: Registration.
Details: Username SheepdogUnleashed selected. Marketing emails accepted.
Date: 7/3
Action: Menu access.
Details: LED highlights adjusted. Red, white, and blue pattern selected.
Date: 7/4
Action: Discharge.
Details: Cans shot in SheepdogUnleashed’s backyard, alongside guest user. SheepdogUnleashed maintained twenty percent accuracy without aim assist, and thirty percent accuracy with aim assist. Practice discontinued upon spouse’s arrival.
Date: 8/10
Action: Activation.
Details: SheepdogUnleashed detected unusual noise in front yard, unlocked unit, and swept area. Unit left active overnight.
Date: 8/17
Action: Discharge.
Details: Cans shot alone. Now sober, SheepdogUnleashed maintained forty percent accuracy without aim assist, and forgoed practice in aim-assisted “Nancy Mode.”
Date: 9/23
Action: Activation.
Details: After quoting the Lethal Justice film series, SheepdogUnleashed pointed unit at bathroom mirror. Multiple gunshot onomatopoeia performed.
Date: 10/4
Action: Menu access.
Details: After sustained cursing and navigation of Bullet Buddy menu, marketing emails discontinued.
Date: 10/31
Action: Activation.
Details: New disturbance in front yard. User announces intent to protect spouse, destroy Antifa.
Date: 10/31
Action: Discharge.
Details: Three rounds fired into canine intruder. SheepdogUnleashed maintained fifty percent accuracy, placing only three rounds into nearby pumpkins and one into a young witch’s hat.
Date: 10/31
Action: Emergency shutdown.
Details: Neighbor distraught at loss of dog and hat. SheepdogUnleashed offers condolences, remaining beer.
Date: 11/1
Action: Menu access.
Details: Onboard directory of pro-liberty law firms activated and perused. Lawler & Lawson selected.
Date: 11/20
Action: Unauthorized activation attempt.
Details: Trianna Lawson, user RightToFight, demonstrates the unit’s safety and SheepdogUnleashed’s excess responsibility to jury via login attempt.
Date: 11/23
Action: Menu access.
Details: Video of 10/31 discharge streamed to courtroom monitor. Stream provides crisp, clear, theater-quality footage.
Date: 12/20
Action: Activation.
Details: SheepdogUnleashed loads and unloads unit. Mumbling unintelligible.
Date: 12/21
Action: Menu access.
Details: Web search for freedom-friendly family lawyers.
Date: 12/23
Action: Activation.
Details: Legal concerns lamented. Unit then deactivated.
Date: 12/24
Action: Activation.
Details: Romantic concerns lamented. Unit then deactivated.
Date: 12/24
Action: User Error.
Details: Unit placed under user chin. Automatic Whoopsie! prevention protocol activated, preventing discharge.
Date: 12/25
Action: Exchange.
Details: SheepdogUnleashed exchanged unit for $561 USD at the Minuteman Holiday Market.
Date: 1/3
Action: Soft reset.
Details: New user cleared prior LED lighting and background music settings.
Date: 1/12
Action: Registration.
Details: Username ColdWorld selected. Marketing messages accepted.
Date: 1/17
Action: Discharge.
Details: Target practice on cutouts of common criminal demographic.
Date: 1/23
Action: Activation.
Details: Coldworld presented unit during live-streaming event. Discussed common criminal demographic, family safety.
Date: 1/29
Action: Menu access.
Details: Second unit purchased from marketing messages. Customer loyalty discount applied.
Date: 2/7
Action: Activation.
Details: Both units presented in livestream event, held crossed before ColdWorld’’s chest. Alleged manipulators of common criminal demographic discussed.
Date: 2/12
Action: Menu access.
Details:“JailBreakrr.bat” downloaded, installed.
Date: 2/13
Action: Warranty voided.
Details: Bullet Buddy transcription deactivated, in violation of Terms of Service. ColdWorld no longer entitled to repair or compensation.
Date: 2/15
Action: Reactivation.
Details: New user restores Bullet Buddy service.
Date: 2/15
Action: Registration.
Details: Username AgentGarcia selected. Federal fee waiver applied. Recent transcripts downloaded.
Date: 2/16
Action: Diagnostic.
Details: Available data on recent discharges downloaded, along with ColdWorld fingerprints and browsing history.
Date: 2/17
Action: Menu access.
Details: Marketing messages discontinued.
Happy New Year and all that. Share this and we’ll be lifelong friends.
I smirked at "SheepdogUnleashed," guffawed at "Nancy Mode," and had an aneurysm at "Whoopsie! prevention protocol." This is a densely packed banger. 2023 is on the upswing.
#jawdrop