Extra Evil - Affluenza Outbreak

Today’s Fortune: Only you can save us now.

Newsreel

Southwest Airlines reminded us that Christmas is an idea, not some room with all your family and friends.

AI priests and prophets entered beta.

NYU Langone sorted patients by caste.

Teen detectives pulled a rubber mask off George Santos.

The Supreme Court jumped right of Neil Gorsuch.

Webb images will change our understanding of desktop backgrounds forever.

Tesla shareholders bought high and sold low.

Today's Mood

War Journal

I live near a long, straight, parkside stretch of road. Runners love it. Cyclists love it. Drag racers love it.

All fun traits individually. Together? The headlines might not inspire. It's a good place for a jaywalker to meet God.

Hopefully it's not me. It really is a nice run.

I used to spam prayers to the effect of "I wish it would snow every Christmas." If there's anything listening, this frozen coastline's all my fault. Sorry.

Called shot: we're getting a melodramatic cover of "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" in a trailer before 2025.

Maybe I'll try a resolution this time.

From the bleachers, I've watched the sleepless project output and steroid intake  of the Rock. like most civilians, I've been impressed.

And I've wondered: what would it be like to try that hard? To lift me-sized objects every morning. To listen to Kevin Hart screech for hours at a time. To stare into a camera and call Black Adam a success.

And my inner hero says "Fuck that."

But why not a quarter?

Twenty-five percent of the multi-tasking. Twenty-five percent of the exercise. Twenty-five percent  of the toil in the infinite black mine of media.

I call it the 1/4 Rock Plan. I'm committed, and I'm giving it one hundred percent. Divided by four.

The Present

The dystopian author's strike marches on.

Here's a countdown of my best five 1-900-HOTDOG volleys.

I smuggled skateboarding and sci-fi into the same New Yorker article.

This year may have lessons, but I didn't learn them.

They say there's no such thing as a perfect book, and yet...

The Past

This all-Substack collab brought the thunder and the flashy thing behind the thunder.

The Future

New Exclusive Evil bonus article on January 2nd. Starting things off on the right note.

I think I've left Eric in peace for a little too long.

The draft is good and weird.

One Sentence Reviews

Inside Job - Season 2: The failson of an entire satirical mode. (1.5/5)

Cyberpunk: Edgerunners: You know, if you like modern renditions of classic Cyberpunk, I know an interesting book. (4/5)

Jessi Klein - I Would Like to Get Married Before I Get Herpes: Time will reduce us all to cliches and ash. (2.5/5)

Lucian - The True History: The judgemental grandfather of an entire satirical mode. (4.5/5)

Open Question

Tournament time. What’s my best bonus post of the year?

Signing off

Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter going around the sun again. Share to get a headstart.

-DD