Extra Evil - Ebenezer Jr.

Today's Fortune: Find a timely slogan.

---

Newsreel

Martial law was unpopular.

NYC jurors measured homeless humanity.

Casino bouncers eyed FBI careers.

Joe Biden played a Monopoly card.

Movie pitch: a tycoon has to return her fortune or be executed. Also: happening in Vietnam.

EU citizens are free to re-endanger grey wolves.

Today's Mood

War Journal

I’m back to browsing Craigslist, thanks to a clever double gift. My landlord’s son gets a new apartment, and I get to haul couches in the snow. Thoughtful. Said landlord blares holiday glurge at deaf volumes, which tells me “love and joy” are more suggestions than rules. Jesus has a strange fandom.

Ever tried a power metal show? The audience has striking zeal. Even wrestling crowds have a bitter grognard contigent, drawn more to becoming the show than enjoying it. But if the band has a name like Fingolfin’s Treasure, Batlleaxe, or Space Elf Nova, the crowd’s locked in.

I suppose genre’s a natural filter. Power metal demands the combined hobbyist force of a metalhead and dungeon master. I appreciate that, as a longtime metalhead and dungeon master. Quality night out, and a decent distraction from real estate.

Today’s post has a poser title—I like December too much for this job. It’s a mass ritual of forced kindness, and I dig that premise. Besides, a yuletide copy of Metroid Fusion kept me from snapping. After childhood’s lows, life is always looking up.

Remember Comic Book Premise #4: becoming the mask. If enough of us pretend to be sane Samaritans, a few of us will stick to it. Keep the quality gifts and unforgivable music coming. They’re our only shot.

Guess who made The Stunt List? Me. I did. A script by me.

The Present

• Preordering How to Dodge a Cannonball tames the tides. [My Next Book]

• Save-A-Wish is probably funny. [The Stunt List]

• Sam and I discuss immortality’s pros and cons. [Weeaboo Hell]

• My rematch with the Ludys is live, and makes me smile more than it should. [1900HOTDOG]

• I channeled some imageboard madness. [Exclusive Evil]

• I’m not immune to dating jokes. [Exclusive Evil]

• Everything Abridged is real neat. [My Previous Book]

The Past

My Hard Ticket to Hawaii guest hosting stint was a good time.

The Future

I’ve been thinking: I’m not spread thin enough. So in January, I’m tilting an idea I had two internet eras ago. I think it still has a place. Or will at least make a stylish nook in my pyramid.

For now: The Holiday Rematch Tour continues! These vendettas are essential. I can’t make quality photoshop edits of peace.

Not Brought to You By

On to the next handheld. The Game Boy Advance was like the Game Boy Color, but moreso. Nintendo was, and remains, excellent at taking our money. Hence the semi-religious fandom.

I’m a spiritual void, but reincarnation sounds great. I’d love a do-over or four. And it’s familiar: two portable console ads have returned, again and again. Last time, we covered “Better than life.” It has a twin: “Better than love.”

That’s stupid by default, but not an automatic loss. See, stupidity is a tightrope. Succeed, and you win the crowd. Fail, and you win a casket. A few Game Boy Advance ads sprinted across. Let’s see how it went.

Headline: Escape.

Casket.

Creativity: F+ | Persuasion: D- | Sanity: D

Headline: The second best thing to do in the dark.

Casket.

Creativity: D+ | Persuasion: D- | Sanity: D

Logo: Game Boy Advance SP

I’m in.

The foot gag isn’t deep, and doesn’t have to be. It evolves the bad priorities gag, goes bleaker, and leans less on “eww, pigtails.” Good fun.

Creativity: A- | Persuasion: A | Sanity: D

One Sentence Reviews

Lawful: Straight across the bow. (2.5/5)

Ulver - Liminal Animals: Ideal cycling music. (4/5)

Trivia Dates: Ill-advised. (2/5)

20th Century Alcohol and Tobacco Ads, 40th Ed.: A curated whorl of madness. (5/5)

Easy Question

Harder Question

Signing off

Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter better than life and love. Share it to win at both.