Extra Evil - Entropy, For Kids
Extra Evil - Entropy, For Kids
Today’s Fortune: Skip that trip to Ohio.
Newsreel
EPA staff hyperventilated into a paper bag.
Nikki Haley gave pundits a good laugh.
Recession odds are closer to “snake eyes” than “coin flip.”
Reset the mass shooting timer.
The Times wants you to get horizontal.
There’s a spy balloon under your bed.
Today's Mood
War Journal
The New York Times has a paywall login prompt for users they know are subscribers. If I have a rage-stroke this week, you know who to blame.
I’m writing this on Valentine’s Day. For the first time, the morale in my social circle isn’t terminal. I only got one jokey text about drinking bleach. It’s the end of an era.
I haven’t met more balanced people, the number of marriages and live-in arguments around me has just gone up. I’m enjoying that moment, but fear early/mid-thirties divorces starting an Empire Strikes Back comeback for team misery. Slightly hypocritical, considering I pulled that as soon as I could rent a car.
In any case, I hope you enjoyed the holiday. I spent it with deadlines.
I’m accused of being somewhat partisan, because I totally am. I’m trying to keep an eye on it.
But I do have a weakness. Or trace of humanity, depending on the number of flags you own. A masterwork joke jumps right across party lines for me. It’s entirely detached from my persona/moral center/coastal brainwashing.
Which is a long way of saying: I find a certain strain of terminally online gun lunatics hilarious. Not ironically hilarious. Not so-bad-it’s-good. Normal funny.
That makes me doubt the sacred power of satire. Because I haven’t budged an inch on that issue. If a button turned every gun in America into a live tarantula, I’d break my arm slamming it.
Screw it, if I’ll ever get away with an online dating joke, it’s today.
Now that dating has ELO, can we add leaderboards? I want to know who the champions in each city and orientation are. They should be sponsored.
In fact, everyone should be sponsored. You’d always know what’s coming. If your date’s sponsored by Red Bull, strap in. If they’re sponsored by He Gets Us, run.
The Present
The crossover ad agency/natural disaster Virtuosity is back. With a nice, fresh coat of paint over past atrocities.
"Only the Good" is my best writing outside of the book. And free.
Let this 1-900-HOTDOG column pollute your brain with Naked Attraction.
This sci-fi riff on gun culture might be relevant forever.
Reading my book Everything Abridged makes you a living god.
The Past
The Future
In coming weeks, I have a satire short and an interview hitting the newsletter. I’ll spread them out so that things don’t get too spammy, and I can sleep like a human.
Deep-tissue nerds will get extra out of my next 1-900-HOTDOG column.
More New Yorker stuff in the pipeline, meaning I can stay in Brooklyn without selling more drugs than Tony Montana.
The Everything Abridged paperback will bless us in April.
One Sentence Reviews
Gundam - Witch from Mercury S1: Strong bookends, vacuous middle. (3.5/5)
Gold Standard Whey: Morally opposed to dissolving. (2.5/5)
Civil War Curiosities: Exactly as promised. (3/5)
Cyberpunk 2077: Digital coke. (Help/5)
Open Question
Signing off
Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter pulling an all-nighter. Share it to boil coffee.
-DD
We got an X-Box Series S during the holidays and I think you've pushed me over the Cyberpunk 2077 ledge. When I stop publishing my newsletter and completely abdicate my parenting responsibilities you'll know why.
I have a feeling Bullet Buddy isn't going to stay sci-fi much longer. That piece crushes -- I've read it like four times now.
Also, this: "If a button turned every gun in America into a live tarantula" is the best idea I've heard in years. Mind if I sample it in my next Flash Fiction bag?
Seeing 8-bit Theater, I hope you can feel the hug I'm trying to send.