Extra Evil - Grounded

Today’s Fortune: World peace is coming to Mars.

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Newsreel

Red Lobster mourners learned to bake.

Ukraine might not get to keep that name.

US forces backed lunatics for expedience. In Afghanistan, I mean.

IGN bought every site better than IGN.

The race to arm space picked up speed.

Boeing delayed exploding in orbit.

Today's Mood

War Journal

I tried to ride a plane! Classic mistake. One cancelled Frontier flight set my life back 48 hours or so. I’m typing this out ten minutes before you read it. Forgive the likely errors. Or don’t. I always wanted a nemesis.

At the moment, Times Square has a giant hotdog that spurts confetti at noon. I had to see it for myself—good things in 2024 are worth absorbing in person. And verifying. I went with another 1900HOTDOG writer, since literalism is great fun.

I’m happy to report that it exists, and achieves everything described on the tin. Dealers choice on whether that’s a good thing. I’m the dealer, and it’s great. We need more tacky stunts and less civilian-seeking missiles.

I expected to be underwhelmed by the statue, and guffaw at the confetti. Instead, I found the statue itself glorious, and the emission forgettable. All in all, a fine entry in phallic stunt history. Given the general American psyche, there should be one in every town.

Seeing a proper bachelor party made me think about my old City Hall wedding. While I don’t regret skipping the pomp, City Hall needs a fly-by bachelor party room. A minibar, pole, and Nintendo 64 would do the job.

The Present

You know what sucked about Unbeatable Banzuke? Me neither. [1900HOTDOG]

This may have been an excuse to rewatch Lucha Underground.[Exclusive Evil]

IBM is light, IBM is Justice, IBM is Lord.[1900HOTDOG]

The most I've written about breast milk in my strange career. [1900HOTDOG]

Everything Abridged is the future of the past’s future. [My Book]

The Past

I had some fun last Christmas.

The Future

I can guarantee that next week’s column will be good, and cost excess human effort.

Not Brought to You By

Time for a simple one. I caught this old standby during my annual plunge into Times Square.

That line’s a victory lap for our largest, most damaging, most embarassing vices. The perfect opening still for a documentary on the fall of the empire. A bubblegum pink temple to excess.

I love it. Play the game you’re in.

Creativity: B
Persuasion: A-
Sanity: F+

One Sentence Reviews

Unbeatable Banzuke: The best pratfalls you can ask for. (5/5)

Hearts Beat Loud: Gets on base. (3/5)

Pallbeaer - Mind Burns Alive: Gets there slowly. (3.5/5)

Kaiju No. 8 (Recent): Fully pasteurized. (2/5)

Open Question

Signing off

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