Extra Evil - Human Resources

Today’s Fortune: Be subtle.

May 08, 2024

Newsreel

Automatic tents threatened peaceful endowments.

Slaughterhouses rebooted The Jungle.

China firmly denied hacking [country][utility] on [date].

1990s rap feuds got 2020s mania.

Eurovision decried politics in their international art contest.

OpenAI promised a working search engine.

Today's Mood

War Journal

I’ve got great impulse control.

What’s a principal for?

Sorry, president. Colleges say “president” to save expensive egos. Not too effective, based on recent headlines. But the question stands. What can you expect from the big office, after sending your children and gold?

Not much.

The best presidents are useless. Million-dollar mannequins, posed for photos as needed. By not breaking anything, they’ve excelled. Earning an ovation, statue, and blank check on the way out. Simple deal. Deeply stupid, but simple.

Wouldn’t that be nice? Not the check: a president that’s merely useless. Someone that day-drinks through tough times. A genuine talking head. Then maybe students against My Lai sequels could loiter without losing teeth.

Instead, we have the economist.

The economist isn’t useless. Neither is an earthquake or tumor. Useless implies inertia, and the economist lives in frantic motion. There’s nothing passive or inept. The economist aims for distinction in failure. And she’s elite. Tireless. Olympian. A full wing of the Toolbox Hall of Fame. The entire Snake Pantheon. She’s a coward the way Mozart’s a piano player—the context and degree are special.

The big office could use someone useless. Someone that golfs instead of beating and ejecting students. Someone that smells less like urine when teenagers pitch Walmart tents. Someone without active disdain from and for their charges.

Isn’t that fair?

My impulse control needs work.

The Present

Antarctic Press made a Sarah Palin comic. In 2011. [1900HOTDOG]

Hell is a place you build yourself. [1900HOTDOG]

A documentary about breakdance battles to death. [1900HOTDOG]

Give casting a little extra thought. [1900HOTDOG]

Everything Abridged is even better backwards. [My Book]

The Past

I preferred jabbing at donation requests.

The Future

Tentatively: One bonus story about romance, one bonus story about email, and one prank about a surprise. Alongside the usual columns and weekly updates.

Not Brought to You By

Let’s visit a lane I enjoy. I’m not big enough to resent Hollywood, and movie posters are an art.

And a distinct ad arena. Just like fashion and cars having their own, alternate-universe rules. It’s a different relationship with the audience. Just curating the right moment can put you at par.

Case in point.

Minimalism in ads is an eternal debate. I take it case-by-case, leaning toward paring things down. In this case, I’d like to crowbar off Mike Judge’s (impressive, mind you) resume for a clean idea and clean image. But the whole still lands, and there’s something to be said for reminding people of Frog Baseball.

Creativity: A-
Persuasion: B+
Sanity: A-