Extra Evil - Involuntary Homecoming

Today’s Fortune: They know.

Newsreel

Trump punchline #412324 not found.

Navy Seals practiced war crimes on younger Navy Seals.

China melted.

Rikers guards may lack empathy.

NASA's heading back for Buzz Aldrin's keys.

BYU brought Xbox Live to a volleyball game.

War Journal

In India, you can take an Uber to Mars for about five dollars. The catch is you might get into a high-speed fender bender, like my driver did last week.

It had to happen eventually. The drivers in Kolkata are in a race to get to heaven. It was also Friday night, so my driver might have been as plastered as I was. The five men that piled out of the other car were sober, and furious about it.

I thought I was a decent person. But the moment a second opponent appeared, the driver was on his own.  Customers aren't automatically drafted to your fistfighting team.

Thankfully, it worked out peacefully. I took the same ride to the same mosh pit the next night.

Here's how you own yourself. You can beat that jobber in one move.

The point of my five-hour layover was attending a friend's wedding. And it was fantastic. My autobiography is better for the experience.

At the peak of the ceremony, I thought "This is an amazing first Indian wedding."

Then my heathen, traitor brain said "Second," before replaying my month-long green card misadventure.

I might join a martial arts tournament. If I can do that to myself, what would I do to other people?

I don't feel like describing the entire customer service ordeal yet, but YouTube can eat glass.

The Present

I had some fun at Lovecraft's expense at my 1-900-HOTDOG column.

I snuck a sci-fi piece into The New Yorker.

It's time to knuckle down, get serious, and read Everything Abridged .

The aforementioned misadventure.

The Past

A spin on this made it into my book.

The Future

Working on something best described as an expansion pack. You'll like it.

I still have another approved New Yorker piece waiting in the chamber. Unless it went out while I wasn't paying attention, which is entirely possible and in-character.

Submitted Mysterious Project X to a few places, we'll see.

Open Question

One Sentence Reviews

Raging Fire: A half hour rocket strapped to an hour of filler. (3.5/5)

You Only Live Twice: A fever dream. (Ninjas/What?)

Air India: I was wrong about it being better than Spirit. (1/5)

Artillery - By Inheritance: I may be a nerd. (4/5)

Signing off

Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter saving the city. Tell the press.

-DD