Extra Evil - On Fumes

Today’s Fortune: Sleep in for a month or two.

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Newsreel

Washington smells like sativa.

Campus smells like tear gas.

The South China Sea smells like trouble.

Port-au-Prince smells like gunpowder.

The Court smells like bullshit.

Earth smells like plastic.

Today's Mood

War Journal

Two-factor authentication makes me appreciate the difficulties of design. Here’s an invention that’s simple, effective, and lifestyle-preserving, and I hate it like back pain. That feels harsh. Mankind’s a tough crowd.

I wrote about Foamy the Squirrel this week, because I like tilting windmills. Or pain. Or both. Ever slammed into a windmill? It takes your mind off life’s little quibbles.

That’s a bygone flash cartoon, that the best among you won’t recognize. Only it’s still going. Imagine a recursive impression of a Dennis Leary impression, and you’re almost there. Now pitch up the voice. You’re there.

The big lessons are intuitive. Neurotically Yours stomped on a few landmines for the rest of us. Living life on loop. Refusing to see a changed world. Never quite picking up animation. Half-committing to porn.

But a smaller lesson stands out: forcing an attitude. Every Foamy rant starts with a default mood and works backwards. Talent or effort aside, that’s an anchor. A lesson I can hold on to, without sinking into the miasma of sadness surrounding the rest of Foamy’s afterlife.

It’s odd eating lunch at America’s leading headline. I liked last week’s rant, but the other jackboot just dropped. Clown bushido demands a joke.

How’s the NYPD change a lightbulb?

Breaking the bulb.

The Present

Somehow, Foamy lives. [1900HOTDOG]

The Dark Doctor's my next Halloween costume. [1900HOTDOG]

The most Chris Brown you can safely experience. [1900HOTDOG]

Marihuana almost pushed me into drugs. [1900HOTDOG]

Everything Abridged is even better backwards. [My Book]

The Past

I'm brainstorming the next one of these, life's just been insane.

The Future

The next column’s a little more focused. And much dumber.

Not Brought to You By

Jingles aside, McDonald’s has potent ads. That’s not a good thing. An army of warlocks in clown paint have mastered the powers of hell.

Take this.

Or this.

Just brand colors? Sure, as jpegs. In person, these signs smell like McDonald’s. Stoking withdrawal in addicts across Europe. A Netherlands agency built these, and I expect them to hit the U.S. like crack.

Creativity: A
Persuasion: A+
Sanity: D-

One Sentence Reviews

Mobile Suit Gundam Thunderbolt - December Sky: The secondary origin of my “Orphan Blender” gag. (4.5/5)

Foamy, Classic: Impossibly embarrassing. (1.5/5)

Foamy, Modern: Beyond the impossible. (0.5/5)

Bartleby the Scrivener: This Melville guy’s pretty good. (5/5)

Open Question

Signing off

Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter short on sleep. Share it to sneak a nap.