Extra Evil - Perfectly Balanced

Today’s Fortune: You should update your passwords.

---

Newsreel

A Boeing whistleblower committed mafia suicide.

Haiti descended into libertarianism.

The RNC purged three-digit IQs.

Guernica learned famine is touchy.

The bird flu’s still chasing the dream.

Your car snitches to your insurance.

Today's Mood

War Journal

Want to time travel? Play anything starting with “Why isn’t anyone talking about…” Your brain will jump ahead the full runtime.

Back in my open office days, my hair started sneaking away. That’s slowed down today, since I sleep like a human. But I met a classic question: age gracefully, ignore the problem, or become a cyborg?

A dermatologist pitched the biopunk route. My insurance would cover it, unlike anything life-extending. And while you should broadly heed your doctor before your paymaster, a manager talked me out of it. A pharma stint convinced him that you should only dope as needed. Also, something about self-acceptance.

The takeaway isn’t my Luddite streak or LeBron James hairline. I’m just amazed that a manager cared. He remembered what every company on Earth’s forgotten: your minions go further when they’re happy and healthy. It’s the difference between Thanos’s entourage and the Putty Patrol.

Anyway, that’s why I’m not Afro Samurai on Halloween. I might bulk and go for Luke Cage.

Fun thought: I always championed fiction during pointless art school debates. Between this newsletter, the Hotdog column, and my benighted stint in fashion reporting, I have way more nonfiction out there. And a master’s in hypocrisy.

The Present

I wrote about a guru for gurus.

I learned everything I never wanted to about sugar babies.

There's way, way too much children's propaganda to write about.

The Creation Museum is a beautiful disaster.

Everything Abridged is why paper exists.

The Past

As seasons and regimes fall, my push of “Only the Good” remains.

The Future

The column’s been intense lately, so I think I’ll lighten things up with some cyberterrorists.

Not Brought to You By

Alright, I babble about games and advertising. I have to cover this month’s flavor.

Oreo and Xbox do brand nonsense together. Most recently, “cheat codes” on cookies. They look like assorted game iconography. If you find and scan one, you get garbage for your space marine or car. It won almost every award, and second everywhere else.

This stupid, pandering stock joke…threads the needle. That’s what you do with those two things. Nintendo and Devil Dogs are hooking up before the year ends.

Creativity: A-
Persuasion: B+
Sanity: A-

One Sentence Reviews

Prey: It kills. (4.5/5)

Silence (Novel): It kills (sadly). (4/5)

Open Question

Signing off

Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter from the future. Share it to stop SkyNet.