Extra Evil - Don't Melt

Today’s Fortune: Health is wealth. Hoard it forever.

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Newsreel

You’re on future oceanfront property.

Bank of America downsized to Bank of Idaho.

Canada’s last tree looks dry.

Bob Iger asked if writers need food or want food.

Facing drought, Spain’s farmers turned to old canals and sandworms.

WormGPT’s taken the soul out of virus writing.

Today's Mood

War Journal

I stayed out of Titanic sub commentary, because I know what my dark side sounds like. It does remind me that there’s a cover of “My Heart Will Go On” by DragonForce, and that’s exactly as funny as you’d imagine it.

The rationale behind covers varies. Some are genre transfers, love letters, or open mockery. Many exist to fluff a performer’s ego or bank account. A growing faction serve as cheap alternatives for restaurant play (this is a real thing, and the origin of most ukelele covers on Spotify).

DragonForce’s “My Heart Will Go On” increases the amount of absurdist joy in the universe. I couldn’t be happier.

Dear mighty and playfully abusive gods of negritude: please don’t let hoteps take Killer Mike. I’ll sacrifice as much livestock as it takes.

Your recent responses have been great. There’s no “but” after that, which is a miracle. I’m glad so many of you like overcomplicated jokes. If you’re quietly seething, hopefully you’ll enjoy what’s next.

The mind’s its own place, per blind poets/the devil/stock quote collections. I’m working on muzzling my more negative voice (off of the page), and it’s making life a little easier. Or least my spin on it.

This month I threw three field-length long passes for an article. You can’t expect much from that, if you’re well-adjusted. But two worked, and I should really focus on that miracle instead of not getting the hat trick.

The real problem, like half of life, is ego. I wrote a few jokes assuming the third gambit would work out. The comedy version of counting chickens before you have eggs or a farm. They were good gags, but my heart will go on.

The mystery box almost has its first owner.

The Present

I had fun at the mayor’s expense for the very first time.

This is genuinely the strangest nonfiction anything I’ve ever covered, and I love it.

I was a non-embarassing podcast guest! Small miracles.

Do you like America, or like-like America?

Everything Abridged is an exciting book, by me. I dig it.

The Past

What exactly is satire?

The Future

My latest New Yorker riff hits about an hour after this newsletter. Check that out.

Update: Make that tomorrow.

Exciting announcement in the pipeline. Making this an announcement for an announcement. With more time, I’d go deeper.

Might have a sci-fi bit on the way.

One Sentence Reviews

The Alchemist - Flying High: Feels like an appetizer. (3/5)

Wanikani: The inventive, clever, daily bane of my existence. (4.5/5)

Open Question

Signing off

Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter building new pipelines. Share to smack it silly.

-DD