Extra Evil - Standoff of the Roses
Extra Evil - Standoff of the Roses
Today’s Fortune: You'll change the world with a cat gif.
Newsreel
Board-Approved Prank Day passed without incident.
Taiwan’s other looming threat struck.
Nickelodeon finally grabbed more headlines than Disney.
Germany decriminalized 3 AM fast food.
The cold war with Iran went lukewarm.
Studies suggest dogs understand language, and ignore yours.
Today's Mood
War Journal
I had a wonderful prank idea. Divine satire. But my so-called friends say it’s a “felony” and “ironic securities fraud.” Where’s support when you need it? A real belief in art, or friendship, or ironic securities fraud?
There’s a biblical mirror to this solitude. This betrayal. Today, I understand Judas.
April’s big for minor league holidays: April Fool’s Day, WrestleMania weekend, and Stoner Day. Oh, and Easter. I hear that’s fun, but I burst into flame in churches.
I’m further from WrestleMania. I tapped four Vinceings ago, and my enjoyment of wrestling and Mondays skyrocketed. Indies tend to schedule around Mania, which strikes me as self-defeating. But I’ve never managed anything bigger than a podcast.
The change taught me something about inertia. I’d enjoyed other suplexes more for years. And some episodes of food poisoning. Why not move on? Why chase joy’s leftovers?
That line probably applies elsewhere. A couple’s therapist might like it. But I save growth for things that matter, like wrestling.
While poring through my own archive, as sane writers do, I found my old Dune parody. Its mediocrity’s inspiring: I’ve improved in the short term. Plateauing before a second divorce would be true failure.
The Present
A guide to your new job. [Exclusive Evil]
Need to destroy an enemy? This won’t help. [1900HOTDOG]
I like every version of the song. [1900HOTDOG]
Watch your taxes go on a magical journey. [The New Yorker]
Everything Abridged is mirth sealed in an object. [My Book]
The Past
The Future
Is unknowable. Except for the holiday column hitting next Tuesday. That’s knowable.
Not Brought to You By
I haven’t mined vintage kitsch in at least seven minutes. Time to set the wayback machine to 1860. We’ll skip the blackface this time.
A little busy, but they had working attention spans. Let’s zoom in.
Husbands haven’t changed much. But ad mores have: elder creative directors call this setup a side-by-side, and they’ll cut your hands off if you pitch one. Which is why, of course, you see it all the time.
There’s another surprise.
A song.
Two songs.
For soap, in 1860. Technically poems, but technology’s the only thing keeping a full orchestra away. There’s some magic to that. It’s like finding Babylonians insider trading.
This ad’s made of a side-by-side, which ad sages hate, and a jingle, which I have balanced and sane reactions to. Getting there before those concepts died makes me smile. Though the “tame your wife’s irrational fury” lyrics are tragic.
Creativity: B
Persuasion: C+
Sanity: C-
One Sentence Reviews
Tesseract - War of Being: Feels like a check-in. (3/5)
Road House (Original): Thank you, Swayze and/or Jesus. (5/5)
Kung Fu Hustle: Thank you, Stephen Chow and/or Jesus. (5/5)
All Hell - All Hail the Night: I’ll listen to this album as many times as they remake it. (3.5/5)
Open Question
Signing off
Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter working overtime. Share it to cut vacation days.
I'm so out of the loop that I rarely get all the Newsreel bits (I always get some of them). I don't even know what Nickelodeon did and that's fine.
The red-white-and-blue dipping bird is a perfect symbol and should crown IRS stationery. An actual model should be awarded to every household in lieu of a tax refund. I say this because I owe plenty and want everyone to suffer.