Extra Evil - Underworld Tour

Today’s Fortune: Your ukulele apology will go better.

---

Newsreel

North Korea joined in on the fireworks.

Twitter split into warring states.

Vermont’s underwater ahead of schedule.

A judge approved Microsoft’s bid to take over Earth.

Godzilla: Minus One lets us imagine half the planet in flames.

Sotheby’s auctioned fossils to fossils.

Today's Mood

War Journal

I love that the Alien vs. Predator team will go down as visionaries.

Energy drinks have identical flavors, calories, and caffeine injections. We’ve hit the stimulant version of the entire NBA mastering threes. Branding’s the only arms race left.

As a recovering ad demon, I’ve got a pitch. Fitness, gaming, are all taken. The free space? People that fear sleep itself. The night terror demo is ripe for messaging.

The names write themselves, but human creativity’s dead. So here are some suggestions: Dreamcatcher, Morpheus Slayer, AntiKrueger, Nightmare Repellent, and Blue Light.

It’s amazing they never fired me.

Publishing’s optical illusion: I look busy this week. But the all-nighters were two weeks ago, it’s all just coming out now. Shoutout to 1900HOTDOG for abetting one of my more elaborate pranks.

This week I’m playing secretary, trying to get semi-organized. The referral scheme is picking up, which I’m grateful for. Along with having anything to organize. Let’s see if I can finish this podcast script this year.

My neighbor’s working on the piano. That’s great! I don’t begrudge anyone growth behind thin walls. I have dates and podcasts, so I can’t say a word. Dates are a human need, but podcasts are pure indulgence.

The thing is, they’re working on the Zelda theme. And only the Zelda theme. For four months, with no improvement. I’m close to destroying my own copy of Tears of the Kingdom.

It’s a fine song. But just like every marriage has fixed years in the tank (or months, I’ve found), love for a song only has so many fumbling plays. I’d mod it out of Smash, but Nintendo’s started using drones.

My plan? Slip a copy of Metroid Prime under the door. This building could use some synths. By the time he ruins the Zebes loop, I’ll be in Queens.

The wheel of pant width has turned again.

The Present

Six poets enter my new 1900HOTDOG article. None leave.

I got to talk about Compu-Toon on the 1900HOTDOG podcast. About half my mind’s intact.

Are you a patriot? Prove it, again.

Clarence Thomas and I are best friends.

Everything Abridged can’t stop forest fires, but it’s worth a try.

The Past

It’s been at least two minutes since I plugged this story.

The Future

An interview with me is right around the corner. It’ll be linked here/various Twitter clones/on the main site, per usual.

I might have a quickie Exclusive Evil out tomorrow. Back-to-back newsletters usually fall into the void, but ignoring metrics keeps me smiling.

You’re gonna kill it tomorrow.

One Sentence Reviews

Hakaider: I guess I always wanted Tokusatsu Equilibrium. (4/5)

Negrophobia: Trey Parker wishes he could. (4.5/5)

Gundam - The Witch From Mercury S2: Ending with a whimper. (3/5)

Nevermore - The Obsidian Conspiracy: Another artful cure to a good mood. (4/5)

Open Question

Signing off

Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter with a new air fryer. Share it to make mediocre donuts.

-DD