Extra Evil

Extra Evil - The Art of Fighting Yourself

Today's Fortune: Save some ire for the other two branches.

Dennard Dayle

Dennard Dayle

— 6 min read
Extra Evil - The Art of Fighting Yourself

Newsreel

Innovators merged isolationism and police actions.

Cuomo's strategy of not campaigning unfolded.

Diddy's lawyers tried as hard as you would.

Lab beef's come much further than self-control.

The dog meat ban may kill a few hundred thousand dogs.

I'll write a climate change joke when I'm not melting.

You Need This

Still paused.

Spotify | Apple | Home Site

A Photo

"First Sight." From this year's Puerto Rican Day parade.

War Journal

Thank you again. Hopefully, this is the last Thursday sprint for a while, but it would have been much smarter not to type that. Watching How to Dodge a Cannonball enter the world has been worth every extra keystroke. And I've only gotten hate mail from one lunatic, which is nice. In fact, it's a miracle for Civil War anything. I bet Ken Burns still checks his mail for gunpowder.

Overheard on the Party Bus:

Drunk: We're cooked.

Stoned: I wanna get to the party. There's...party.

Drunk: We bombed Iran. We're so cooked.

Stoned: We're...not at the party. We're late.

Drunk: I'm gonna quit my job. I'm not working through World War 3.

Stoned: What if we win. Keep job. Enjoy party.

Drunk: Bitch fuck your party, we bombed Iran!

Stoned: Bitch...bitch.

If you're a Hardcore History nerd, as in a nerd into that podcast, not a hardcore nerd for history, though you're likely a hardcore nerd for history if you know that podcast or read me...nevermind. Starting over.

If you dig Dan Carlin, you've likely heard about the Iron Dice before. The idea that you have no real idea how war will shake out. All the training and technology in the world losing to the whims of fate. Or the thinnest, most nonsensical plan in the world unfolding perfectly. Or, just as often, things unfolding as a computer would predict.

I thought about that during the launch. The highs and lows hit from nowhere.

I never imagined reviews this kind. I didn't think there were this many fellow lunatics left in America. Somehow, the ace behind Incognegro likes what I do. That's a wonderful moment.

Then the party dissipated, which surprised me almost as much. I assumed that was the one part I controlled. Nope. Blue shell. Apologies to everyone that looked forward to it. We'll have more fun in the future.

The stack of guest pieces and guest appearances is still pretty high. Honestly, I'm grateful for it. The quiet version of this week would break my heart.

I play cynic for the cameras, but the ingenue in me limps on like a zombie. So I can't quite grasp what Cuomo hoped to get by going full Patriot Act in the last stretch. Everyone that racist already hated Zohran. There was no ground to be won, only lost. I don't think that mistake even settled anything, which makes it sadder.

To the wiser among you, there's no real question here. It is simply the way of the scumbag. But in my cartoon world, there are classes of scumbag. Scum Fighters. Scum Sorcerers. Scumcoin Artificers. It seems like a real Scum Barbarian move, and I had him pegged for a Scum Rogue.

Go figure.

I snored through my first alarm in a long time, and it has me paranoid. Since I'm in a loft, I may put my phone at ground level. I'll hate myself every morning, but that's better than hating myself in the afternoon.

A Screenshot

The Present

The Past

I'm told this Starseed riff was one of my funnier turns here.

The Future

A familiar theme in the next column.

Brought to You By

I promised the Top Five fake ads, and it's time to deliver.

First, Greg Stolze's request, which is inspired:

"Silverback™ Brand Adult Diapers for MEN"

I love it.

Though I'm left staring at my own rules. Did I promise an earnest attempt or pure parody? I'm not sure what fits the letter of the law. Enjoy both.

Campaign A

Campaign B

Not Brought to You Buy

Sometimes I wonder why I have three separate grades. Then I run into angles like this:

Headline: "Do "WAR NERVES" make you SMOKE TOO MUCH?"

Demonic, first draft, genius. "Hey, everyone else is approaching war marketing with minimal grace. How about none? What if we just, without a hint of craft, remind people that we're one of two products keeping them from stealing a German sniper's job and inhaling a bullet? Hell can't be that bad, right?"

To be clear, it's 1942. The world's a dark place, at risk of becoming a pale place.

You bet it's a whole campaign.

Headline: "Is war pressure making you smoke too much?"

For all I razz the Christians, the devil is putting in work.

I'm on the edge of doing a full column on these. I'm hypnotized. I can't look away. I was going to skip this whole section this round before I saw these.

Another reason to fight for peace: they'd recycle the hell out of this today. "DraftKings: Put Down the Pills" would win awards.

Creativity: C | Persuasion: A | Sanity: Expulsion

One Sentence Reviews

How to Dodge a Cannonball: Even better this week. (7/5)

Sperm Racing: Not committed to the joke or human dignity. (0/5)

Vanishing World: Pretty mean to come out this close to me. (4/5)

A Question

Signing off

Thank you for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter that will return to Wednesday someday. Share it to sleep diurnally.

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