Extra Evil - Holiday Special
Today's Fortune: Avoid leaving anything nice on the tracks.
Newsreel
The Streisand Effect remains undefeated.
Thirty ambassadors now aren't.
Gaza aid groups must solve three riddles by the 31st.
Vanity Fair took a victory lap.
Caligula has his own class of chariot.
Offshore wind projects went to a nice farm upstate.
You Need This
I'm taking Christmas off. May the gods forgive me.
A Photo
War Journal
Single? Frozen? I'll make a case here for a specific activity date: ice skating. Perhaps you have nervous thoughts about skill. Bury them.
You both suck? Wonderful. Mutual struggle bonds people with less to gain. And is hilarious. This is the purest form of ice skating.
You suck, they don't? They'll feel like a superhero. And you'll learn how they act with the advantage. Proceed with an ounce of humility, and you'll leave with crossovers. This is the purest form of ice skating.
They suck, you don't? You're a wizard. Proceed with an ounce of humility, and they'll think you're a ninja. This is the purest form of ice skating. I'm very neutral and unbiased on this point.
Neither of you sucks? Great. You can float in tandem, or struggle for supremacy. The rink is yours. This is the purest form of ice skating.
Each option's more fun than staring into coffee.
Overheard at Hammerstein Ballroom, before AEW started punching.
Producer: CAN YOU DIG IT!
Fan A: That was good!
Fan B: That was good yo!
Scattered applause from the audience.
Fan C: Was that five stars?
Fan D: Is Dave Meltzer here?
Fan C: I meant like Dave Meltzer.
Fan D: That's why I asked if Dave Meltzer's here.
Producer beams at applause.
Right, the typing. Here's a little behind-the-music.
I've been pushing a bit harder this week. All of my normal quotas are paused at the same time, so togetherness and cheer can wait for spring. This is my chance to catch up, and imitate a productive and reliable person. A golden opportunity. If I hated carols and gifts (I don't, sadly for my joke bank) this would still be a golden time of year.
Part of stabilizing is putting as much into the idea bank as I pull out. When the world's on my back, I treat it like the national debt. Now that I have five luxurious hours of sleep, I'm making some deposits. Reading new comics, novels, and manifestos. And watching a few old favorite movies, as opportunity presents itself. Say, a new version of an adolescent favorite. With a catch.
Need proof that art is smarter than us? The Kill Bill rerelease settles it. For those new to my rants, Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2 defined my high school film intake. Which make Tarantino's antics an eternal source of fascination/irritation/thirdhand embarrassment. The one scene on film that gets me misty is Beatrix punching out of her coffin. Life's low streaks feel that way to me.
I thwacked a few coffins this year. Seeing the edit was a good reset for me.
My review? Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair is an effective conjoined twin. The small changes range from amusing to brilliant. I almost questioned flashback O-Ren's newly unbreakable everything, before remembering that the best of magic kung-fu is canon. Famously, given the ending.
I hope your own work/sleep/actual celebrating goes well. You deserve it.
Also overheard at Hammerstein Ballroom.
Death Riders Shirt: At this point Jack Daniels is like...basic bitch, right?
Plain Black Shirt: Well, it's entry level.
Toni Storm Shirt: But [this drink's] a mash, so it's like half jack and half bourbon.
Death Riders Shirt: What's the difference between a bourbon and a whiskey?
Toni Storm Shirt: Whiskey is harsher?
Plain Black Shirt: The bourbon's made in Tennessee. The whiskey is made in Whiskey, Tennessee.
Death Riders Shirt: Real?
Plain Black Shirt: It's like champagne, everything else is just sparkling wine.
Death Riders Shirt: Damn.
Toni Storm Shirt: How's the food?
Plain Black Shirt: Okay, not as good as Yankee Stadium.
Death Riders Shirt: Yankee Stadium?
Oh man, I got to Yankee Stadium for the food. You've got to do it.
Yankee Stadium?
Congratulations to Clippy on the comeback. Users that think as well as they remember phone numbers should be interesting.
A Screenshot
The Present
- There's no holiday my book can't improve. [How to Dodge a Cannonball]
- Seven of my columns are free, free, free! [1900HOTDOG]
- Some podcasts let madmen on. Odd. [Hopeton Hay Podcasts]
- Mercury improves holiday dinner. [Exclusive Evil]
- What a lovely voice. [You Need This]
- Insane nonsense by a madman. [Everything Abridged]
The Past
The Future
Publishing and marketing types: is Christmas an excellent or idiotic time for bonus material?
Dead Sun Theory
I'm typing this at 2 AM on Christmas Eve. Photoshop mines later.
Not Brought to You By
As a living human, I walk by a lot of ads. We'll play with those for a few weeks.
I think dogs are good fun. On the weighted local scale, that makes me one of the top dog haters alive. So maybe I'm in no place to talk about this:
Impressively pointless.
"Dogs and Christmas exist" is ages of evolution away from an idea. Especially one that makes shareholder reports shinier (if you're into that). They're both fine things, but your competition exists too. As does glurge-induced apathy.
That said, for all the writers failed to close the loop with a point, I do like the look of the freshly fallen tree.
Creativity: D | Persuasion: F | Sanity: C-
One Sentence Reviews
Baby Assassins Everday! (Full season): Life is good. (5/5)
Modern MP3 Players: Everything beats Spotify Guilt. (3.5/5)
A Question
Signing off
Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter recharging. Share it to switch batteries.
