Extra Evil - 3 AM Visa Research
Today's Fortune: Diner refills are your friend.

Newsreel
America redefined “human.”
Krugman didn’t dig last year’s columns either.
Oscar flamewars came earlier and louder than usual.
Our trash compactors fell behind China’s.
We left the Paris Accords while LA smoldered.
Earth’s mini-moon may be the moon’s side project.
A Photo

War Journal
Thank the Yakuza: Zero devs for keeping me out of a cell. Now I’m headed to Malaysia for two weeks. I’m told I have to come back, but hope’s eternal.

Some of you prefer writing jabber to me punching walls, so let’s sneak that in. You know I’m not fond of hearing “you can’t write comedy right now.” As if there aren’t comedies about most wars by the front line. Again: The Nazi and the Barber is a five-star half slapstick, half gross-out satire about the Holocaust by a Holocaust survivor. Nut up.
But I know I’m, by default, too glib. See: “Nut up.” So let’s defy my programming and try Be Constructive. Here’s my exclusive tip on crisis comedy.
In my correct opinion, most failures lack clarity of purpose. Not in life, ennui’s great comic fodder. The purpose of a particular joke/cartoon/doomed late night monologue. Do you want commentary, provocation, or distraction? For a resonant point, you might dig deeper than Elon’s divorce. For catharsis, you might say he got cucked by a pitchy Boxxy cosplayer. To distract people from the flames, you might skip him altogether.
Hordes of other end goals exist, just keep your target in mind. And whether you succeed or fail, remember he got cucked by a pitchy Boxxy cosplayer.
Anyway, that’s why catty egg tweets make senators look inbred. Wrong flavor. The goal was saying something useful.

Remember that pinched nerve in my spine? That was more fun than switching apartments.

I expected plenty of Good Germans. History books would be colorful pamphlets otherwise. Yet I thought I’d know less of them by name and shot tolerance. As for the natural question: never trust a lightweight.
The Present
- Find out if How to Dodge a Cannonball delivers on the title. [My Next Book]
- What’s “wrong eating?” [1900HOTDOG]
- On executive orders. [The New Yorker]
- There’s an interesting comedy preview in here. [Buzz Books]
- I’m editing the next episode, it’s been a trying month. [Weeaboo Hell]
- Everything Abridged might outlive me. [My Previous Book]
The Past
This just came out, but I’m fond of it.
The Future
Another 1900HOTDOG column, another New Yorker thing, another nerd podcast, another ad parody audio project. Wait, that one’s new.
Not Brought to You By
Physical Culture is eating my brain. I meant to tour a few different decades of fitness nonsense, and still hope to. Someday. For now, more meathead cave paintings. How can we power clean mountains, Physical Culture?

Our minds! Of course!
The proudly literal image makes me grin. I wonder if they wanted to fit in between articles on magic stretching and early attempts at steroids.
“Is mind power real?” brings back memories. Let’s pretend I’ve never signed an NDA. Pharma ads love free-floating questions, because of dated “laws” about “lying.” So you go passive-aggressive, like a hip broker. This book’s free from that concern, but some writers like open questions.
Some writers also like the flavor of paint. Open questions expose you to open answers. Like “Of course fucking not” and “Do I look like an idiot?”
Creativity: C | Persuasion: D- | Sanity: F
One Sentence Reviews
The Shit Ov God: I don’t come to Behemoth for subtlety. (4/5)
Physical Culture: My scam-filled muse. (5/5)
Packing: Help. (Help/Help)
Easy Question
Harder Question

Signing off
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