Extra Evil - Alternative Divination
Today's Fortune: You can't betray values you don't have.
Newsreel
US envoys sat on both sides of the table.
Zambia's acid cleanup industry surged.
The Hague offered Hegseth a drink.
Wicked conspiracy theorists Defied Sanity.
Trump's Fordham thesis, "Bluebeard: Misunderstood Hero" remains sealed.
Science grants cause autism.
You Need This
Last week of the semester, we'll get back to selling out soon.
A Photo
War Journal
I'm giving everyone a little extra rope. From family to subway rappers. It's tough having to pose for history, not everyone's used to it.
Concept: alternative divination. Whereas alternative medicine adds nonsense to practical problems, alternative divination adds the practical to nonsense. Because there are many grounded, useful ways to see time.
Consider the moments between knowing a date's dead, and it being humane to leave. I call it The Valley. The Valley is a deeply generative slice of dead time. My mind explores the stars. I've found the endings to two stories in The Valley.
Another way to see time: public transit. When a train gives up on life, you can watch other timelines wither. Every second of work/joy/rotting you had planned form the main branch. The alternatives make smaller branches. While less useful than The Valley for outlining material, it's decent for training your powers.
Keep your dimmest relatives close. Bad conversations are gold for alternative divination. Everything else you could and should be doing will flit through your mind. A sufficiently empty-headed coworker lets you get to The Valley without spending a cent on coffee.
The most powerful technique: caring about history. Or at least remembering a little of it. Half the future is hiding there. In this, and only this, America avoids the spiritual. We're more atheistic to history than we are to Zeus. Especially with that game I go on about making the rounds. You know, God of War.
As usual, I'm full of it. But I had to write it, I saw it in the valley. You know what Herbert said about future sight.
As you might have gleaned in the screencap choices, I'm rewatching the old Twilight insanity-vortex with friends. It's a spaceship ride into a black hole. It's love in Martian. A fever-dream in a pro-life asylum. No cokehead alive can compete with a sober Mormon.
I needed it.
Don't expect an article: Mormon vampires are the ancestral home of the RiffTrax crew. But if they have an accident, I'll be the first to rebuild on that suddenly vacant lot.
Overheard in Burrito Valhalla.
Beef: Yeah.
Chorizo: Mmm.
Beef: Right.
Chorizo: Mmm.
Beef: It's more hardcore over there, right? In, uh, you know.
Chorizo: Many ways. We don't make small talk. I don't like small talk. You know how you have a poster of the woman, "You can do it?" We have a poster with a woman with her finger to her lips. She says "the walls have ears." With the communists, the police would talk to you, and then kill you. So no small talk. I don't have time for small talk.
Beef: Wow.
Chicken Taco: Mmm.
Beef Burrito: Yeah.
Hades 2 Spoilers Follow
There are plenty of ways to ramp up game difficulty. Projectile spam. Wacky attack timing. Subscription fees in a recession. Hades 2 gets inventive: Prometheus is so correct, sometimes you just let him kill you.
It's a watershed moment in boss design. You've got him on the ropes, until he hits you with "There is no philosophical justification for an eternal torture dimension." Bam. Mental segfault, and a faceful of fire. Back to square one.
Consider your first loss. You're an adult. You've played Simon. Did you have that much trouble remembering "up-down-middle?" Or did you not have an answer to "Working for Zeus is like being Henry 8's dating coach."
Then there's his super move: "You're the unpaid nepo-intern of a floating electric predator, fighting to preserve a pre-feudal engine of misery and death."
Fucking artificial difficulty, I swear. I need to mix boons from Locke and Hobbes to finish a run.
A Screenshot
The Present
- Your whole family wants my new book. [How to Dodge a Cannonball]
- The race is never over. [1900HOTDOG]
- Enjoy delicious mercury. [Exclusive Evil]
- Merritt and I break reality. [1900HOTDOG]
- You still need this. [You Need This]
- They'll settle for my old book. [Everything Abridged]
The Past
The Museum of Failure is always relevant.
The Future
A few old favorites, in an old favorite form.
Dead Sun Theory
Finishing off the semester, then bonus party time.
Not Brought to You By
Alright, one last round with White House slurry. Then more fun and/or therapy.
Beautiful. Don't change a thing.
Creativity: Field-Leading | Persuasion: Hypnotic| Sanity: Love Itself
One Sentence Reviews
Napalm Lullaby: Leaves you behind by intent, but still. (3/5)
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1: I haven't laughed this hard, this long, in a long time. (Madness/5)
Rust in Peace: Still worth how insane Dave went later. (5/5)
Drama Queen: Clever, distinct, relevant, and wholly one-note. (3.5/5)
A Question
Signing off
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