Extra Evil - Body Storage
Today's Fortune: Save unsolicited advice for your pets.
Newsreel
Earth tried to shake us off again.
Tariffs put Americans in their place.
Cory Booker used his love of Cory Booker's voice for good.
Eight Gaza medics were still alive.
The White House wants that nuclear deal it burned back.
Dating apps stored your pictures publicly. Yes, even that picture.
A Photo
War Journal
Here's a new axis on the alignment grid: my current cohost and former roommate notes that while my apartment's a locker for my body while I sleep, he has to be lured outside. I suspect this gap holds the secret to uniting the nation and species. Where are you on it? Locker, neutral, or lair? Hopefully you're on the one holy path, like me.
R. Kelly had a strong victim complex during his trial, even by DARVO standards. Maybe Diddy's madness explains it. How pissed would you be if only you got caught?
People like the Shen Yun sequel posters. So do I, mostly. There's just a wrinkle. You've heard it before, if you've been here a while.
Writing jokes? Divine.
Basking in praise and/or threats? Golden.
Trudging across five boroughs, until my wheels or ankles give out? Purgatorial. And yes, I mean five. The Staten Island reactions are essential. I'd be more likely to skip Brooklyn, where these stunts feel like preaching to the choir.
Any thoughts on making the legwork easier? I prefer my friends unarrested, so I've backed off on that approach. And Fiverr pamphleteers were consistently inconsistent. Maybe I'll finally try prayer.
Today, I'm fried for self-inflicted reasons. Vast improvement.
If I had Vance's anti-charm and goals, I'd just pretend to be an antinatalist. Bam. Two billion white babies with negative effort.
The results are in: I do speak English, and I did go to college. Too much college, I suspect. Grad school makes people expect brilliance in person, and I'm generally thinking about the next meal.
Paying to prove that's a bit galling, but I'd have blown the money on old action DVDs anyway. Besides, I live off of my imagination sprinting ahead of me. I could've easily dreamed everything after kindergarten. Do I even have a newsletter? Or am I hogging an asylum computer for no reason?
You Need This
Looks like I'm serious about this. And you need it. Enjoy Pitch 2 - Manlier Manhood. And give glowing Apple/Spotify reviews, if you love me.
A Screenshot
The Present
- Preorder How to Dodge a Cannonball and you'll be cooler than your neighbors. [My Next Book]
- This week, a book that won't teach you demonology. [1900HOTDOG]
- Hungry? [Exclusive Evil]
- Does linking You Need This twice make sense? Whatever. [You Need This]
- I know, I'm editing. [Weeaboo Hell]
- Everything Abridged makes you cooler than your siblings. [My Previous Book]
The Past
In case you missed the first round.
The Future
Chipping away at a contest idea. We'll see if it sticks.
Not Brought to You By
Food poisoning robbed me of this year's free Valentine's Day jokes. So for this round of retro ads for liver failure, let's see what cupid has for us. We're far enough from the holiday that it probably won't push anyone over the edge.
Suddenly, signs of life.
I've mentioned my grudging respect for our dark master McDonald's before--they've mastered using their ubiquity, instead of sidestepping or tripping over it. This isn't as strong as "a featureless yellow billboard that smells like McDonald's fries," but it plays the familiar Johnnie Walker packaging well. And the tradition of drinking alone through the holiday.
Creativity: B- | Persuasion: A- | Sanity: F+
One Sentence Reviews
The Shivering Truth, Season 1: Made exclusively for weapons-grade lunatics. (5/5)
Castlevania Nocturne, Season Two: If you can't have the show you love, love the show you're with. (4/5)
A Question
Signing off
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