Extra Evil - Colonel Satisfy
Today's Fortune: There's no pope, sin away.
Newsreel
Putin called for a three-day reload.
I don't think the Pope's coming back.
You're in the border enforcement zone.
We've saved the economy from food dye.
Canada ran a grown-up election.
Processed food may cause early dessert.
You Need This
You can start over. You can do it all again. The right way this time.
A Photo
The graffiti in Malaysia was hard to leave.
War Journal
I haven't forgotten Expensive Evil exists. It's simply been the engine of procrastination letting everything else thrive. I'll get back on the horse soon. Or at least really deliver elsewhere.
The best apologies treat anger as the problem. They don't earn peace, but they save you time.
Two apocalypses ago, Danny Brown had a single called "Dope Song," cast as the last time he'd retread his hard-luck drug days. Rare, when the general move is to describe one weekend forever. I liked that reflective move. To mangle a quote: he hadn't hit an embarrassing age, but he could see it from there.
I'd love to see what that looks like in other spaces. Imagine Roth's No More Daddy Issues. I wouldn't hold anyone to it (lord knows I have my wells), but there's a little energy behind that stance.
"Dope Song" also sounded nice, but that's only so important in music.
I'm on edge. For the first time in a decade, I have normal a normal spine, wrists, and shoulders. What's the catch? Am I about to go blind? Are the charges in my fillings about to go off? Just make it quick.
After forswearing destination weddings, the local invites have returned. Clever. I knew you were all against me, but I didn't know you brainstormed together.
I'm changing my strategy: I'm done doing weddings for free. Pay me, and I'll officiate. I'll be the flower girl. I'll be your best man, and recreate the full plot of The Hangover. But I charge by the hour.
A Screenshot
The Present
- Only preordering How to Dodge a Cannonball can stop the flood. [My Next Book]
- Maybe witchcraft pays better. [1900HOTDOG]
- Jokes aside, the book is everything. [Exclusive Evil]
- Reroll. [You Need This]
- Everything Abridged gets you a life raft in the flood. [My Previous Book]
The Past
The Future
Anyone have a spare record player?
Not Brought to You By
Cigarettes! America's favorite way to check out early. Aside from combat. And mock combat.
Wrestling fandom has a dozen strange parasocial habits. Among the strangest is parroting "take chicken shit, and make chicken salad." It's a mutation of "You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit," a phrase that actually makes sense. The wrestling version’s a common defense of creative abominations, putting the onus on backflip dispensers to fix writer's room problems.
It's a better fit for ads, where your base product, associations, and slogan are set in stone. Along with anything else the client has a lingering attachment to. If they're fixated on Playboy and nunchucks, your ad's going to look like a Triple-B film. Good luck finding the bird in eighteen rounds of client feedback.
Those limitations make me like this Chesterfields ad. "They Satisfy" is, in my subjective and correct view, a trash slogan. Granted, tastes change: they were wrong then, and I'm right now. Hail the march of infinite progress. My point is, this ad had to work around that. And I think it goes to a fun place: what's satisfied look like?
A bird named Colonel Satisfy. Idiotic, and satisfying.
Less glibly, the typewriter window presentation is slicker than it has to be. It's nice to see an ad evoke "island adventure" without forty hula dancers holding eighty coconuts. That dangling cigarette might burn down the bungalow, but that's the price of satisfaction. And the parrot has an escape route.
Creativity: B | Persuasion: C | Sanity: D-
One Sentence Reviews
The Kurosagi Corpse Delivery Service (Vol. 1): Has a nice Pringles effect. (3/5)
The Kurosagi Corpse Delivery Service (Vol. 1): More chips. (3/5)
Sinners: "You made four bards and a ranger?" (5/5)
Review (Season One, First Half): Pain gets five stars. (5/5)
Conan - Violence Dimension: Hits just the way you want it to. (3.5/5)
Viagra Boys - Viagra Boys: Skips the self-titled curse. (4.5/5)
A Question
Signing off
Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter that satisfies. Share it to chain smoke.
