Extra Evil - Extra Paranoid
Today's Fortune: Oops.
Newsreel
Civil disobedience remains seasonal.
Photographers followed stockbrokers for The Shot.
Adobe learned its reputation.
America tightened sanctions on America.
China's master plan of existing bore fruit.
Nintendo debuted a sleek, industry-leading price hike.
You Need This
Getting this going lifts my general sanity--it was my conversation-filler project for a while. You know, the one that never happens. It's nice seeing something come together instead of burn. Hopefully fake ad reads speak to you too. What a normal premise!
Quick question: which embed's best for you? Spotify/iTunes/Native File/Voodoo chanting? My grasp of human technology is strictly limited to editing software.
A Photo
Hasty, camera-phone evidence of my crimes:
War Journal
Publisher's Weekly likes the book. As a paranoiac, that’s like learning I’ve been pardoned. That my tumor’s just a zit. That I'm not the father. I'd start a holiday if I could. It's easy to convince myself that nothing I've written makes sense to anyone else on two legs. Before I link it, know that it's a spoiler minefield.
The L works. It shows up on time. The commuters and tenants are in better moods. And I'd still trade it all to the gods to have empty seats again.
I sleep in. Likely an abuse of the term, since I also watch the sunrise. Technically, I'm an average sleeper. For this riff, just know that I'm up at two. Both twos.
Recently, I rose to an army of fresh messages. Not crazy, as the nation spins out. Half the texts were all-caps and furious. Again, not crazy, as the nation spins out. They all shared one sender, which stood out. Someone was imitating the nation.
Sunday's coffee date had sent a meme during hustle hours. A nice one, at that. The humor channeled early imageboards. I get expecting a speedy response. Lord knows I should steal more habits from wellness scams. But I had important snoring to tend to.
Subsequent messages were educational. One morning gave them just enough time to go through Anger, Denial, Bargaining, Anger, and Homicidal Fury. Not quite the progression they teach in school, but no plan survives contact with iMessage. And if you're good at one stage, why not specialize?
I pocketed the phone. It buzzed.
I'd love to blame them, or Match Group, or the Fates. But looking back at the flames...I think I need to get up before two.
Speaking of paranoia: how do so many of you enjoy protests? I spend the whole event looking for Mr. Burns's dogs. Maybe that's why lunatics like suppressing black history. I've got some rough images stuck stuck in my head.
Warren G. Harding's laughing his dick off.
Where it all went wrong: Windows switching start menu search to random web dross, instead of the files on your computer. History will judge it harshly.
A Screenshot
The Present
- It's almost showtime.. [My Next Book]
- Like Conan. Get it? [You Need This]
- Sam and I talk Frieren. [Weeaboo Hell]
- Need to go blind, fast? I've got you. [1900HOTDOG]
- Some New Yorker ish. [The New Yorker]
- Have a snack. [Exclusive Evil]
- Need a warm-up for my next book? [My Previous Book]
The Past
I'll be a powerhouse actor by 2095.
The Future
I'm finishing two other article trilogies, then it's back in the Sucker Punch hole. I don't know why I do this to myself either.
Not Brought to You By
One motif of early 20th century binging: purity. Everyone else is poisoning you. We give you the real stuff.
Case in point:
Our beer's solid gold! Like the school. And if it isn't, we'll pay you. I mean, we won't, but it's a sexy claim. Drink Harvard.
It's pure, like your blood. Your drink was, and remains, a slick class cue. This ad's just the cartoon version. Visually, I find a beer monument entertaining. Though I fear it's less intentionally insane then I'd like.
Creativity: C | Persuasion: D | Sanity: D+
This whole purity angle gets a bit dull. Maybe it's a century gap. Good ads lock in on a unique(ish) feature, but you have to spin it.
Figuratively. Message-wise, this spread barely exists. Though I do think the bored illustrator has talent. I'd love to know what they did when they cared.
Creativity: D | Persuasion: D- | Sanity: C
Let's try positivity. With a little elbow grease, you can make a feature highlight fun. Like lightness. I don't want lightness in whiskey, and I don't get people that do. But this ad makes it look like a good time:
I've dunked on visual puns before (just two paragraphs ago, I believe), and I'll do it again. But the image has a some thought and flair. In the land of the spinning mascots, the pun blimp is king.
Creativity: B+ | Persuasion: B+ | Sanity: C-
One Sentence Reviews
The People's Joker: Dares IP lawyers to hit in on the freeway. (4/5)
Strengthening the Eyes: Perfect accidental joy. (5/5)
A Question
Signing off
Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter staying in. Share it to peek out the window.
