Extra Evil - On Flowers
Today's Fortune: It can get weirder.
Newsreel
Jamaica faced its worst disaster since caravels.
Japan's PM met her migraine.
Canada quoted Marxist firebrand Ronald Reagan.
Some people didn't think Trump had dementia.
Zohran eased the mood.
The AI bubble will fly forever, carrying us into paradise.
You Need This
Another new episode! Trying direct embeds out, hopefully the technology's more cooperative.
A Photo
War Journal
Good ideas often find bad mascots. As do bad ideas, thanks to broad mascot decay.
One example: nothing's helped me more lately than habit-bending. It's less pressure than fixing my whole life, and more effective. Kind of like dog-training myself. But that's also a stock opinion from the Hustle/Grind crowd. The loud men in suits three sizes to tight for air. If I touch the topic, I sound like I'm in someone's vertical.
Then again, I'm probably in someone's vertical. Some mascots are good enough that you don't even think they're mascots. It's nice, in a way, that every cult leader gets a real chance to shine. We've disrupted and democratized compound construction, if nothing else.
Come to think of it, I write online. I rant into a mic. I ramble on camera. At what point am I a mascot? And how do I start, rent's almost due. Maybe I should be pitching sugar pills already.
I returned to the ideal film exchange. It's in Sinners, shortly before things go pear-shaped:
Mary: And they had enough money to buy this whole mill...and they ain't even send flowers to her funeral.
Smoke: We sent your mama flowers. Plenty of 'em. All while she was still alive to smell 'em.
Wonderful. Probably more nuanced for healthier souls, but for me Smoke says everything about being present in the present vs. wasting seats in a church. I'd rather you text back today then attend the lamest party I'll ever throw.
Some other unmedicated soul might agree. Maybe if we're both mouthy about it, we can start a new social norm and never sit through "dearly departed" again. Let's commit. Look your inner circle in the eye, and say "I hate funerals, and will be sick during yours. Want to get lunch?"
To be fair, I think Kamala just needs five tries.
Next door to the empire, there's a certain give and take. You give everything and take air. For all that the Big Mac Kingdom siphons from its island neighbors, one might expect it to sprint to protect the investment, or have a nice vacation next year. One would be wrong. I'm "one." One is always me.
Halloween! I enjoy it too much for elite jokes on the topic. I'd mime disdain, but some of you have read for a decade. All my poker tells glow.
A Screenshot
The Present
- My interviews have a lot of fodder. [How to Dodge a Cannonball]
- The photoshop on this one took some time. [1900HOTDOG]
- I wonder if I'll have another birthday next year. [Exclusive Evil]
- We're the Supreme Court's biggest fans. [McSweeney's Internet Tendency]
- My interviews have even more fodder. [My Previous Book]
The Past
Since it's Eric Adams's last week in the headlines.
The Future
Trying to get some designs done. It's behind the eight ball, as things tend to get when the semester picks up. At the very least, I swear to finish by December.
Dead Sun Theory
A premium suggestion:
"Pitch: I hate the Charmin bears on a visceral level. Can we try slapping a cute mascot on other terrible things besides feces?"
-FancyShark
It's amusing that Charmin' hit underworld gold twice, with the bears as animated sequels to the notably murderable Mr. Whipple. Luke Sullivan's Hey Whipple, Squeeze This is named after a daydream of sending a Charmin mascot to hell.
I still can't draw, and felt it here. Which led to me staring at this sheep toy, photographed by one Ingrid Dietrich.
Just so you know I didn't MidJourney it. On to the mockups.
Campaign A
Campaign B
Which wins?
Not Brought to You By
Now let's throw some bias in. A poster for a movie I know sucks, bad.
Hulk Hogan had a way with movies, the way I have a way with heart surgery. Hate speech and sex tapes are far from his worst recordings. Though bombs like Little Hercules didn't kill web publishing, so maybe I need a sense of scale.
Little Hercules tells the story of nevermind you get it. It's a lower budget, lightly racist, uncomfortably shirtless version of the childhood adventure you're imagining. The late Hulkster plays Zeus, and its one of the lower-tier Hulk vehicles. A very competitive label.
All that lowers the poster's stakes. The designer didn't rise to the non-occasion, leaving Little Hercules as visibly poisonous as a spotted toad. Centering Hulk years into his flop decade inspires negative curiosity. One wonder about the cast and events outshined by Terry Bollea hunting pimples in a mall sword.
But he's not our sinner. Again, the project was doomed. I want to use this series to talk about movie taglines. They are a special genre of suck, and I don't know why. Well, in real movies I don't know why. "The War of Gods Has Begun" fits Little Hercules perfectly. More effort would have made the script sound even worse by comparison. But human movies with awake directors and minimally concussed actors have taglines like "The World Will Never Unsame Before." Film poster taglines star a breed of antiwriting that must take decades to master.
I'm not a fan.
Creativity: F+ | Persuasion: D- | Sanity: D+
One Sentence Reviews
Sinners (Revisited): Never stops gunning, which is impressive for its runtime. (5/5)
Rigor Mortis: What? (Why?)
FocusRite Solo: Fine, when it's in the mood to work. (2.5/5)
Hades II (Week Three?): I guess this is life now. (5/5)
A Question
Signing off
Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter skipping the funeral. Share it to guilt it into going.
