Extra Evil - Scooting Along
Today's Fortune: Waste your wiretap's time.
Newsreel
Airports can't handle the corruption jet.
Churchill-style famine's hip again.
The Times tried to cover TikTok again.
The tax bill is a drawing of Scrooge McDuck.
Zaslav lost a branding duel with Zaslav.
Disney put James Earl Jones's soul in a jar.
You Need This
Threw in a little opening recap. Feels like the right long-run move.
A Photo
War Journal
I'm a rhythm game dork, which makes super-legal Beat Saber mods my first point of contact with pop music. The imperial shift from melancholy to denial is fascinating in motion. It really puts the lie to five-stage grief. Or proves we don't grieve well.
On metal island, the tone's more...direct. A new Shadow of Intent album's inching closer, and they're one of many records with an overall theme of "imperial implosion on fast forward." Tremolo picking has some presence in Beat Saber mods, but it's mostly blonde breakup songs. Which, in terms of personal growth, has taught me to appreciate blonde breakup songs.
Anyway, Marina's back. I like Marina.
Overheard on Planet Coffee. I may switch to decaf so that I live to forty.
Empty Frames: I'm glad you're both getting along.
Sunglasses: I'm in better shape than him. But he really wanted to kick our asses, and do 45s. And I said "Diva please. DB has a bad foot right now, that's not happening." But we did it anyway, and I kicked his ass. You should come next time! Want to try it out?"
Empty Frames: Yeah. Next time!
I'm running a contest! Alongside my life-changing book, you might get to make me make a dumb fake ad for a topic of your choice. If you read this nonsense regularly, that might even be a snazzier benefit for you. Give it some thought.
Yesterday, I thought an apology sucked. In response, I drafted a note with a little too much punchline napalm for a civilian target.
Then an old man on a poorly repainted electric scooter rolled by, blasting "Ode to Joy." Through large speakers taped to said scooter. It didn't mean anything, except sending me into rivets of childish laughter much more obtrusive to nearby typists than blasting "Ode to Joy." What was I mad about? Have I ever been mad?
Life's too short. I deleted the draft. We'll yell in person later.
Tilting the Japanese windmill again. I'm hoping that multiple failed pushes average out to one successful one. It worked for publishing.
A Screenshot
The Present
- Win my new book, my old book, my pranks, and a fake ad of your choice. [Exclusive Evil]
- My book's insane from word three, onwards. [My Next Book]
- I was on Auralnauts Movie Podcast, where Zak Koonce and I talked every tangent in my brain. [Auralnauts]
- Who knew pitfighting could be expensive and bloodless? [1900HOTDOG]
- The punchline above everything is that ads were my best pre-book job. [You Need This]
- Another book they enjoyed. [My Previous Book]
The Past
An ultra-recent bit about what recent developments mean to me.
The Future
Something a little different in the next column. I think people will enjoy the home run derby.
Not Brought to You By
It's been ten whole seconds since we bullied Lucky Srike branding. Mea culpa, let's fix that. Here's 1929's version of a classic angle.
"Want to look like our spokesperson? Put down the fork, and pick up the death sticks. Think of the weight you'll lose when they cut out the tumor."
That's right: Lucky GLPs. The pitch of cigarettes as a weight loss cheat code seems crazy to us now, because we're right. Bask in the few scraps of superiority 2025 allows. Still, the question is how well it captures this nuttery.
Lucky Strike does exactly nothing with the spokesperson, but you know how I feel about that. I do get a laugh out of "Reach for a lucky instead of a sweet." For a spread that seeks to bleed elegance, it's wildly mean-spirited.
What can I say? Health and cigarettes go together like health and cigarettes. You can see why cool camels worked out better.
Creativity: D | Persuasion: D | Sanity: F+
One Sentence Reviews
Review with Forrest McNeal - Season 3: A permanent groove in my brain. (5/5)
Animal Kaiser: The most colorful robbery outside of Atlantic City. (1.5/5)
A Question
Signing off
Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter running a contest. Share it for an edge.
