Extra Evil - Up And/Or Away
Today's Fortune: Whatever you hear, keep walking.
Newsreel
Surf's up.
The terrorist state of Malta betrayed Israel.
MasterCard censored more porn than the church.
Trump blamed Epstein photos on a shady New York slumlord.
Turns out there's an Amazon left to deforest.
Climate change is as good for planes as everything else.
You Need This
Paused until mid-August. Who knows what hilarity I'll have in store? Me. I know.
A Photo
War Journal
Every year, my killer strat for work changes.
The gentleman's year, of course. I can't get my body and brain to cooperate to with day and night, let alone rotations around the sun.
I'd love to say I'm improving, but I'm just ducking getting worse. I'm inventive when it comes to finding ways around a productivity strategy. The Picasso of turning Lifehacks into no-death Sifu runs.
These days, it's "do the smallest thing first." We'll see how long it survives.
I'll make cleverer posts for this later, but my comrade Amran's book about Finance Daemons is almost out. Read it to learn why you're rioting.
If someone calls it supporting terrorism, do it twice.
As a petless apostate: dog people seem happier than fundies. Why don't we have more dog evangelists in power? Or Clifford literalists? Or megakennel devotees? Are they too busy getting dragged through park trails?
This newsletter's been around long enough that my most faithful have probably heard this story before. But I get funnier every day, so stick around.
An old friend of mine did some lab work in undergrad. Four years after learning that, I asked for details. The powers that be wanted to test addiction in mice, and postulated that addicted mice are depressed. To test for depression, they dumped mice in water. If they didn't try to swim, they were deemed depressed. And then...let's say they were fine.
Now, that's bleak evil, sure. But also a little extra stupid. Because the cokehead mice...are on coke. They'll thrash around on autopilot. And, even if we take the depression-drowning theorem for granted, whose says sober mice don't get moody?
Either way, I don't sign up for psych studies anymore.
A Screenshot
The Present
- My book's better reviewed than oxygen. [How to Dodge a Cannonball]
- Welcome to torture, for clicks. [1900HOTDOG]
- Paper! [Secretly Incredibly Fascinating.]
- My collection is an oxygen alternative. [My Previous Book]
The Past
The Future
Objective: survive.
Dead Sun Theory
One more week. Sometimes life demands you be a good teacher instead of a perfect comedian.
Not Brought to You By
Alright, the retro themes have been fun. We'll return to them eventually. But it's time to pay the chronal piper. What's advertising look like today? Direct advertising, none of the passive-aggressive nonsense. How have we evolved since Lucky Strike?
I take it all back. King below, take me back to Lucky Strike. I'm sorry. Spare me the age of insecurity over eyebrow tint. There were already so many simple, direct sources of self-hatred without outsourcing it to the Apple Store. Though at least catfishing's a little easier. Everyone needs a good catfishing story.
Alright, enough decency wank, Sanity's just one of three scores. Creatively, it's the same thoughtless punchline-spam as every food delivery quarter-effort running. A wave that is, gently, a polemic against effort itself.
At least the targeting is sensible. "Your life is an abandoned landfill. Wouldn't it be nice if you had a future?" A lot people can appreciate that. "Look like" isn't ownable, but it's a least spammable.
Look, I'm trying. There has to be something in this brain graveyard.
I do like the glitter-bomb colors. Is that something? Does the billion-dollar insult get credit for mauve? I'll add a plus.
Creativity: F+ | Persuasion: D- | Sanity: F
One Sentence Reviews
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (Rewatch): Turns out the title's an expression. (4.5/5)
Drama Queen: Smarter than its readership. (3/5)
Ping-Pong Peril: The skill of a 2 with the audacity of a 4. (3/5)
Don't Tap The Glass: Fun. (3.5/5)
A Question
Signing off
Thank you for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter thinking about Superman. Share it to fly away.
