Extra Evil - Metaphysical Therapy
Today's Fortune: Flee the building and never return.
Newsreel
Check Cheney's coffin.
Acts of war still count at sea.
I'm stuck writing presidential nonce jokes for a while.
People prefer trade partners that don't hate them.
Eric forgot he's still mayor too.
Your old phone's a decent server.
You Need This
The airport and Blind Guardian demand a skip week.
A Photo
War Journal
Big personal news. If you stalk me or book-adjacent news, you already know: Blind Guardian was in town last night. I loved every second, and the high fantasy afterglow. I also made some fancy book lists, but this post's about Blind Guardian.
For the shredless: Blind Guardian is the power metal band. Anyone with an Ibanez and a bookshelf can start a power metal band, but Blind Guardian is artisanal nerdbait. They're also neck-and-neck with Lupe Fiasco for the most well-read act I know, though Laser Lupe can probably claim broader reading. If you want ten minutes of tremolo picking about Paradise Lost, Blind Guardian's your best bet. Yes, Symphony X did an album. Fight me.
My output's slowed to a trickle lately--maybe a whole dribble, if you feel generous. I think I needed something like this to hard-reset my brain. Earnest belting about books longer than the dictionary reminds me what people get into this stuff for. I might finish a third book before seventy yet.
Some hate what it does to the tone, but I love karaoke ringers. It's like Kyrie Irving entering pick-up games in a luchador mask. Fairness and humility are fun and all, but I don't get to see Usain Bolt race children every day. Watching a good shutout reminds us of what's possible.
If you look closely, I've mentioned How to Dodge a Cannonball three or four thousand times. It's a fun book, you might like it. I flew down to Miami Book Festival to talk about why.
Miami's a beautiful place. To a surreal point, in fact. In some areas, I felt like I'd crashed a set. Or, worse yet, become an unwitting reality TV participant. Despite living in cartoon Brooklyn, I think Miami's the most cable-esque place I've set foot in.
Stock jokes about Florida abound, but that miasma's all over the empire. That's the problem really. Peak Florida is just our caricature.
I have much more to say about my time there, but it'd make a decent Expensive Evil update. Though I'm already two half-written premises behind on that one. At this point, they're holding each other back. Finishing is, as always, the most annoying part of everything.
Anyway, thanks for making people in other states care what I have to say. I'm a long way from ad agency-subsidized comedy classes. Which actually ruled, come to think of it. Con your job into paying for those if you can. Presentation skills something shareholder whatnot.
The rats in Bushwick have more zip than Bay Ridge's slowpokes. They're practically acrobats. Do they have more warrior spirit? Deadlier foes? Do they simply want it more? It looks like a Fremen vs. Sardaukar situation.
A top 100 book of the year! Nice. I think Mom would be proud, but my room looks like it's been shelled.
A Screenshot
The Present
- My new book's more fun than the other 99. [How to Dodge a Cannonball]
- Enjoy delicious mercury. [Exclusive Evil]
- Merritt and I cross the line. [1900HOTDOG]
- You still need this. [You Need This]
- The near future. [McSweeney's Internet Tendency]
- My old book was too cool for lists. [Everything Abridged]
The Past
The Future
A few old favorites, in an old favorite form.
Dead Sun Theory
Pitching.
Not Brought to You By
Why review White House slop, with standards they can't understand or spell? Because stoves need hands. And I like taking the patient's temperature every now and then. Here's another recent federal masterpiece:
Fascinating. Like watching a child fingerpaint a swastika. Outside of homework, I mean.
I called this tint deep-fried before, but that already has internet baggage. Crispy may be more precise. A tasteful look, by the design standard of "not knocking down the White House."
These MidJourney glitches help me shed copywriter dogma. The whole "less is more" attitude to copy dies a violent death here. We introduce the problem of spinning brain drain into a feature, and then just...stop. Parrying economic headlines (can you wire money into a mattress? I hate driving) tracks, but racism needs backup.
An image can finish an idea, if you don't just take what Perplexity spits out when you type "Realer America." Here, less so. The paint caption has to solve the whole equation.
Creativity: F- | Persuasion: F- | Sanity: F-
One Sentence Reviews
Irving Plaza: A little heavy on the profiling. (0/5)
Miami International Airport: Bit stingy with the outlets, aren't we? (2/5)
Miami Karaoke: Spirited. (5/5)
Travel Bumble: Chaotic. (3/5)
ASMRChurch: Christ. (0/5)
A Question
Signing off
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