The Scranton Seer
Vol. IV, Pamphlet XIII
May 20, 1862

My Fellow Mediums,

As the Brothers' War rages on, I hope you remain safe and undrafted. If your letter comes, remember to trust your powers. Whether you fight to defend or steal human property, your third eye is your best bayonet defense.

Some call Spiritualism a trend. I call them eunuchs of the soul. The psychically endowed know the truth: the next world is real and talkative. Listening keeps us from getting there early.

Last night, a winsome spirit contacted me. After we made stirring spectral love, they left a message. In book form.

These tomes capture our future in clear, serious terms—avoid buying land near Gettysburg, or seats near Lincoln. Naturally, I can only trust the strongest seers with that knowledge. I suspect that’s you.

Consult the spirits through seance, trance, or rum, and ask:

"What is the American future?"

Send back their answer. Fifty words or less, by Monday morning–the spirits have multiple deadlines.

The ten strongest readings will receive copies of the tome. The five strongest-strongest will also get artifacts from the twisted future. The one strongest-strongest-strongest reading will receive a unique message from the other side.

Yours,
Julius Reade
Medium & Educator

…What?

Contest time. You can win a preview copy of my book, How to Dodge a Cannonball. Just answer “What is the American future?” in a comment here, or on social media if you hate yourself. The ten best—I'm biased towards funniest, but feel free to surprise me—win.

All Ten Winners Get:

Advance reader copies of this book:

Nice.

Alongside an authentic print prank from the vault. I have nonsense going back to the Obama years, you'll enjoy it.

Five Winners Get:

All that, plus a fake ad mock-up on the topic of their choice. Within reason, but I don't have much reason. I'll eagerly do the Klan, EA, or a rival launching on the same day. I play for keeps.

In fact, I'll throw in Everything Abridged too. The version with two extra stories.

One Winner Gets:

All the above, plus a chapter cut from the book. Fancy, no?

Thanks, as always, for the support. Or just the attention. Get entries in by Monday, so that you can get them before the actual launch. Fifty words or less, so that I can read them all before the actual launch. Ready, set, go.

-DD