Extra Evil - Austerity Forever

Today’s Fortune: You'll meet a strange, beautiful newsletter.

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Newsreel

Reactionaries targeted Target for targeting gay customers.

To fix mounting debt, we’re cutting IRS funding.

Xi Jinping told unemployed youth to “Git Gud.”

America reflected on the sacrifice of WW3 veterans.

Elizabeth Holmes pitched cellmates revolutionary, life-extending cigarettes.

Brain implants may allow paralyzed patients to enter poverty.

Everything Else, Round 8

Time flies: there are only three more chances to win Everything Abridged. Luckily, you can still trade silver, gold, and incense for it. For now, let’s see who crushed Round Seven:

You won’t ruin your life for internet attention? It’s a new era.

Now, this week’s definition:

To be clear: define “Dayle, Dennard” in a comment and be funnier than other people, and you win Everything Abridged. The first and last book.

Today's Mood

War Journal

Looks like 90’s homophobia is back in style. 1490’s, specifically. If only someone had told us to expect the Inquisition.

Returning to a card game after ten years of power creep is entertaining. To my elderly eyes, modern Magic: The Gathering cards read like “Kick your opponent in the stomach. If they flinch, they lose. If they don’t, you win.”

I’m not wading too deep into the pool—I pay my own bills now, and there aren’t that many people reading this. But I’m dipping a toe in.

The reunion (Expensive Evil forthcoming) put me in the drunk tank for the first time in a while. The gap surprised me: I’d let one of my closest friendships fade. I have three old, beloved comrades: sugar, alcohol, and Batman.

I’m taking a serious physical tilt at becoming Batman, and enjoying it. But it’s a big commitment. I’m just sane enough to know that there’s still room for cake or bourbon, and just smart enough to know there isn’t room for both cake and bourbon.

In a knock-down, drag-out Gotham fistfight, frosting’s won. I’ve been quasi-sober, simply to keep sugar in my life.

That logic doesn’t say great things for my character. This isn’t a victory for moderation, morals, my non-metaphorical loved ones, or CM Punk. Though a Pepsi tattoo still works. Just much, much more literally.

My point? A bottle of honey whiskey could kill me. So I killed it first.

If you think this Indiana Jones trailer is rough, wait for the hologram trilogy.

The Present

Let’s talk cruise ships.

Truck is stronger than steel.

This Daily Shout definitely isn’t based on anything real.

Read Expensive Evil, and save my soul.

Think of all the homeless copies of Everything Abridged.

The Past

People like this bit of atomic oversharing.

The Future

I’ve got notes for three Expensive Evil pieces. One’s half-written, the other two will be done sometime before my death.

I’m going beyond the impossible in the next Hotdog article.

Take this section with a grain of salt. I couldn’t be further behind on everything if I jumped ahead in time.

One Sentence Reviews

Zelda - Tears of the Kingdom: I’m just here to tape boulders to swords. (4/5)

Dark Devotion: I’m just here to die violently. (3/5)

Useless Switch Joycons: Why? (1.5/5)

Genius Gourmet Keto Bars: Keto’s the worst marketing tag since “police action.” (2/5)

Blind Guardian - Legacy of the Dark Lands: A big, fresh, lovingly homemade bowl of pho without beef or noodles. (2.5/5)

Open Question

Signing off

Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter on the run. Share it to send dogs.

-DD