Extra Evil - Bullet Club

Today’s Fortune: Be a good neighbor. Share cover.

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Newsreel

Light bullet rain over Texas house parties.

Heavy bullet flooding in Gaza.

Bullet storms in Maine, emergency prayers on standby.

Overcast in Taiwan.

Shots fired by a resigning UN human rights official.

COP28 host Dubai took the climate conference fishing.

Today's Mood

War Journal

Today’s experiment: I’ve been playing with Too Good To Go, an app claiming to reduce food waste from “apocalyptic” to “criminal.” E.g., restaurant leftovers.

So far, my intuition holds. Pizza is good, meat is suicide, and baked goods are gold. It’s ideal for feeding my bizarre new bagel addiction. I don’t know when I became a bread vampire, but it adds up.

Ooh, an article. And a funny one!

While things slow down for an attosecond, I’d like to to thank recurring Virtuosity collaborators Michael Estrin and Amran Gowani. Not just for pitching heat each time, but for tolerating my “3 AM C4 blitz” collaboration style. I always end these cackling.

I’m tapped. Well, that’s not too precise.

I’m drained. Kaput. Dead. Sapped. Corpseish. Running on E. The Energizer Bunny, but for Nintendo batteries. A robber baron’s conscience. American credibility.

A little tired. But I have a cure.

The last two years featured a lot of new, and that’s great. But all those transitions pile up. I need a few months of the same shit.

So I’m making my boldest, bravest self-improvement resolution: stagnancy.

Nothing new this fall, and maybe winter. I will explore nothing. I will gain no wisdom. I will reject all practical, emotional, and spiritual growth. I will spend three months as the perfect Speaker of the House. Less training arcs, more filler episodes.

Meet the old, unimproved Dennard.

Elections! Are you voting, gambling, or hiding? I’ve considered betting against everyone I vote for. Then I win either way.

The Present

Virtuosity never left.

Bigfeet. Have. Been. Hunted.

You should be watching Wuxia puppets.

I’m still the New Yorker’s least stable voice.

Really though, try my book Everything Abridged.

The Past

Maybe I’ll make this my version of the repeating Onion headline.

While I’m at it, this crossover lightly touches on amendments.

The Future

How to Dodge a Cannonball is still coming next year, fret ye not.

Nothing new. Except this one idea…

Not Brought to You By

I’ve jabbed at a few ads for pet peeves. Let’s try a subject I like, and see if the grass is greener.

Ah.

This is a Fortnite map simulating indigenous land. With conservation minigames.

It’s flashy. It bends its medium. The cause matters.

And it’s dumber than a president’s child.

Creativity: D+
Persuasion: D-
Sanity: B

One Sentence Reviews

Porkin’ Across America: A muse. (5/5)

Infidel (comic): Too topical to find a topic. (2.5/5)

Mastodon - Cold Dark Place: Missing a Mastodon release makes me feel paranoid. (4/5)

Gmail: Time to jump ship, methinks. (1.5/5)

Open Question

Signing off

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-DD