Extra Evil - Hot Streak

Today’s Fortune: You'll melt less outside.

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Newsreel

Bang.

Oil stocks are hot.

Chinese housing prices continued an enviable collapse.

JD Vance is now the third best writer on the ballot.

Neil Gaiman’s skipping a few conventions.

Climate scientists predict this, but moreso.

Today's Mood

War Journal

I’m never beating last week’s fortune. This came out pre-shitshow:

Nah, I’ll beat it. Likely from a Patriot Enrichment Center, but I’ll beat it.

During heat waves, the air’s perfect around 1 AM. Closer to 2 as the climate gyre widens, but I like arriving early.

Last week, I went skating at peak mugging hours. The park’s in Bay Ridge, so you’re more likely to get struck by lightning. I didn’t find any combat, but I did find a pair in love.

A lot of love. Or at least prom night enthusiasm. They were two office types, trying to recapture teenage levity. Or just too wasted to make it indoors. Either way, the bank ramp looked romantic. You could probably catch something mid-trick.

Leaving them to it seemed right. Isn’t life hard enough? Don’t we deserve to enjoy some abandon before jackboots become mandatory?

Anyway, then I dropped in. Biking there took thirty minutes. If it was real, they would’ve kept going.

I’m almost ready for the fall prank offensive. It starts in the summer to throw off the bacon. That’s rude, I mean the pigs. That’s rude, I mean the budget slave patrol. But really, I mean armed D students. That’s ru—let’s move on.

Printing and distribution takes forever. Smarter clowns put up one big sign. But I don’t dig whole projects fading in one swoop, so I go wide. Which sounds good on paper, but going wide means walking wide. And sweating wide.

I’ll give the first prank it’s own email when the print half’s done. For now, thanks for playing along.

Forget digital cruelty/genius/insanity. I’ll never get used to reading everyone’s first draft thoughts. Static you’d keep from the lifelong friend in the room, launched worldwide. I say measure twice.

The Present

My guest tour begins. [Talk Fiction]

Meet The Otaku Box. [1900HOTDOG]

Probably best to avoid the next few reunions. [1900HOTDOG]

Which week's column had worse maids? [1900HOTDOG]

Everything Abridged makes it all better. [My Book]

The Past

I really wrote a whole book! You can find the proof it exists here.

The Future

We’ll teach dogs to talk. Also, I’m tweakinf a religion-flavored HotDog column.

Not Brought to You By

Remember Taskrabbit? Me neither, which is terminal for Taskrabbit. Time for an ad blitz.

Not like that. Let’s try a little harder. It’s just the R train, so I’ll give them a pass. Let’s do this.

All mercy is immediately and violently punished. Right.

I could explain why dated music half-puns suck. I could also air-fry my arm for a high-protein lunch. Neither feels worth it.

Creativity: F
Persuasion: D-
Sanity: C+

One Sentence Reviews

R.A.P. Music: I think Mike works well with this El-P guy. (4.5/5)

Soulseek: It can’t be this easy for long. (Yoink/5)

The Otaku Box: At first it seems expensive, but then it’s embarrassing too. (0.5/5)

Terminator 2: Judgement Day: Earns every modern quote. (4.5/5)

Kindergarten Wars: Gets a bit in its own way. (2.5/5)

Open Question

Signing off

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