Extra Evil - One-Armed Double Dutch

Today’s Fortune: The next century will be easier.

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Newsreel

Analysts suspect that war widening may lead to a wider war.

Vince McMahon applied for vice president.

Pitchfork’s future is a 2/10.

The primary settled two years ago marched along.

Greg Abbot pitched the Buddhist symbol of peace as a state flag.

The world’s largest cruise ship tempted icebergs.

Today's Mood

War Journal

Despite my behavior, my self-image is rational.

Then I see the world’s largest cruise ship, and my first thought isn’t the environment. Even though it’s a jump-kick to Gaia’s temple.

My brain jumps to the last headline above, without irony. An iceberg has to nail that ship. We may even get another submarine.

A very specific outcome, which they’ll actively avoid. There’s no reason to expect it. But I can’t process another outcome. It feels like a rule of nature. Maybe this is what it was like to be a string theorist.

The riddle of U.S. healthcare: does it exist if you can’t use it? I’ve heard of healthcare, and seen doctors in the wild. I’ve also heard of Santa, and met him at the mall. It could all be an extended prank. The truth is out there.

The point being: getting an MRI covered wasn’t worse than the injury itself. But it was a tight race. I’ll give HealthFirst a nod for the effort. Oscars chatter tells me people prefer that.

It’s been a rough personal week. A dropkick from God kind of a week. Almost a half-DeSantis.

That’s my new unit of measurement for public, predictable, and preventable disaster. If it sticks, I’m ready for a comeback.

The Present

A newsletter bonus about innocent carnival fun.

For 1900HOTDOG’s Ape Week, a Genndy nostalgia trip.

I never thought I'd write "Toxic Shock" this many times.

"Eternity of Torture" brings comedy to high-level D&D.

Everything Abridged is the book other books fear.

The Past

I miss the Museum of Failure already.

The Future

In theory, the next New Yorker bit hops out soon.

For the next 1900HOTDOG column, I’m mining a different vein. I think you’ll like it.

Not Brought to You By

“Okay peacenik, you like people alive. Who has a good ad for the opposite?”

You know.

Most arms manufacturers choose evasion. Childhood flashbacks. Space shuttles. Glados voiceovers. If we kept going, we’d run into food. Something like “Think of Boeing during Christmas dinner.”

One company’s direct.

One crater factory stands tall and says “Fuck peace. Peace can kiss my whole ass. When I see an intact hut, I find a match. I regret only having one life to dust birthday parties from space.”

You get one guess.

Lockheed. At a glance, this is generic, and smashes two stock phrases into a pun. Then you pull back the curtain. More directly than usual.

The stealth bomber disappears. Half the bad copy disappears. Even my sanity disappears! Good work, I hate it. At least the jet sucks.

Creativity: B+
Persuasion: B
Sanity: D-

One Sentence Reviews

Mutoid Man - Mutants: Another wheel, and I love the wheel. (Still Great/5)

HealthFirst: We will still fight in hell. (Still Garbage/5)

Dredd: I rewatch this more often than I visit anyone. (Still Great/5)

Godzilla Minus One Minus Color: I came close to babbling about the blue energy as a useful visual cue, but this whips. (Still Great/5)

Sukiyaki Western Django: Right, the time Takishi Miike had Quentin Tarantino gunfight a sword-wielding gang. (Still Odd/5)

Open Question

Signing off

Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter fighting clowns. Share it to blow up a hospital.

-DD