Extra Evil - Roger Goodell's Conscience

Today’s Fortune: You've acquired something of questionable value.

Newsreel

The State of the Union had a heckling section.

Florida banned black ink.

A balloon and fireworks celebrated the new US-China trade record.

I'd regret an earthquake one-liner in the morning.

Only 92% of studied NFL players have CTE.

Jupiter's still hogging all the moons.

Today's Mood

War Journal

Projection's fun. I wrote a short riff about people going mad indoors, before remembering that I've been sealed off like a monk, working on a manuscript. “Kids these days" jokes are always confessions.

When New York thaws out, I can work on a nice bench. Until the NYPD gets bored, at least.

I've been thinking about kids. Not having them, but avoiding questions about them.

My family's high on the concept, despite four of my siblings having kids and none of them handling it well. I doubt I’m special.

I'm down to two ideas: pretend to be a antinatalist lunatic, or pretend to have a kid.

The latter's a tougher sell, but easier on my self-esteem. Young actors could use the work, and I could use my dignity.

A few years ago, the Times covered the buzz around a pill replacing exercise. It never came about, so trial patients probably grew a second head. But the concept set the comments on fire.

That's a fun flamewar for me, because it's a light version of all the Gattaca questions we'll spend the next century fist-fighting over. Today's it's muscles, tomorrow it's flight.

The company line is that it's wrong to get something for nothing. I'm not a fan of the company line. Taking something from someone—à la AI plagiarists—is a moral vacuum. Destroying your organs, à la nandralone, is unwise. But a genuine cheat code? That'd be special. I'd like seeing more mutants running around.

It's probably moot, since pharma will charge half Batista's income for one dose. But it's a fun reminder that my moral fiber isn't quite perfect, and I should judge others less. I'm the kind of guy that dies halfway through every cyberpunk story.

Whenever you feel obnoxious, remember that Princeton University asks for donations.

Speaking of steroids and bloated monoliths, it's Super Bowl Sunday! When America comes together and pretends the helmets work.

My collaboration with Michael and Amran hits Sunday. Featuring an ad agency longtime readers might remember.

The Present

If you read anything by me, make it this short story.

My latest 1-900-HOTDOG column covers the show/torture device Naked Attraction.

Here's a sci-fi bit about our gun culture's trajectory. I’m very fond of it.

Don' t cross the dystopian author picket line.

My book Everything Abridged cures all.

The Past

The better of my two McSweeney's cameos.

The Future

Again, tag-team action this Sunday.

I'm torn between two concepts for the next 1-900-HOTDOG column, and I'm halfway through both. I might just toss a coin.

I scored a three-point shot with the New Yorker stuff, so more of that in the near-ish future.

The Everything Abridged paperback (with some new bits) hits in April.

One Sentence Reviews

Paul Mooney - Jesus is Black: A wild special glued to a dull documentary. (3.5/5)

Lisa Lampanelli - Long Live the Queen: No surprises. (2/5)

The Refused - The Shape of Punk to Come: It hits hard, like a community outreach officer. (4/5)

Health - Disco 4 (Part II): You don't have to like everyone at the party to have fun. (3.5/5)

F.O.O.L. - Mercenary: Straight across the synthwave plate. (2.5/5)

Baroness - Gold & Grey: I'm a serial procrastinator. (4.5/5)

Open Question

Signing off

Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter doing twenty in the fast lane. Share it to tailgate.

-DD