Extra Evil - Surfing with Frosty

Today’s Fortune: Cowabunga.

Dec 06, 2023

Newsreel

The climate conference run by oil barons didn’t go well.

The ceasefire almost lasted two newsletters.

Two men that won’t be president debated.

Ukraine’s next check might bounce.

You’re safer getting hit by a Tesla than in it.

Tech firms promised to contain fraud to advertisers.

Today's Mood

War Journal

Something like fall’s set in. Sad, since I dug the apocalypse weather. Real cold kills me, so the air-fried planet felt awesome. There’s nothing like rolling on days that should belong to bobsleds.

Shame about all those kids or whatever. What should we call the first arctic lazy river? Waterworld’s taken.

A quirk of human life: how little preamble or etiquette a positive response needs. You can reply to a full essay with “Sure,” but if you send “Nah” you’ve made an enemy.

It’s the only reason I agree to anything. If yes and no took equal effort, I’d live like a Shaolin monk. Down to the drinking and leeching off villagers. History’s weird.

Minor spoilers for Rockstar Games fans. I suppose that’s most game addicts at this point. Rockstar comfortably occupies that James Cameron/insane reality TV president/earthquake slot where everyone pays attention.

The next GTA’s set in Vice City, and that’s perfect Dennard-bait. A small nod to Tommy Vercetti is nearly mandatory.

You see, they try to make most GTA protagonists relatable, or put-upon, or human. Not Vercetti. The “Hartford Butcher” was every inch the demon a maladjusted player’s rampages implied. Tommy came to an anarchic den of sin, and made it worse. He had every mortal vice, because that’s what you came for.

I loved that. Tommy’s right on the edge of a meta line Trevor tripped over. A fine entry in the Sociopath Olympics. He’s probably mayor.

Thanksgiving! I’ve heard of that. Evidently it was two weeks ago.

I considered a post giving, you know, thanks. I’m not too cool for that. The internet demon needs food, and I’ll spread a thin comedic film over whatever sates it. Keep an eye open for my pivot into public feuds or elbow modeling.

Sadly, I was tied up. I manage time the way I make money. But thanks for reading. I thought I’d never get a real shot at this.

The Present

Movies need a little more than Snoop Dogg standing there.

Ah, the weight of fame.

Here’s the best Expensive Evil so far.

In which a cat named Pierre has a rough time.

Everything Abridged is looking for loving homes.

The Past

Behold, the failsons of tomorrow.

The Future

The next column’s a brick joke.

To win the war on sleep, I’m shooting for a podcast launch in January.

Not Brought to You By

“Poison burgers sell, sure. Are there good ads for nice things?”

Of course. Like…hold on. I can do this.

Got it.

Havas and UMG gave out nail stickers…that detected spiked drinks. Anything with frat candy changed color.

Slick. No one quits while they’re ahead, so there’s also a bouncy pop song.

If the MTV layer’s too stupid for you, don’t fret. It kind of ripped off a 2016 South African Breweries campaign. Coasters that glowed when Bill Cosby was near.

Both bathed in awards. With Hbomberguy’s Plagiarism video making the rounds, here’s an odd question: how big is a copycat predator awareness campaign’s asterisk? And is there a planet where I don’t have to ask?

Creativity: D / A
Persuasion: A / B
Sanity: B / A