Extra Evil - The Heist of the Millennium

Today’s Fortune: You'll find inspiration in a very typical place.

Aug 30, 2023

Newsreel

CNN may have hired a new sacrifice.

Denmark may put Ozempic on money.

Patreon chose tax fraud over making money to hide.

Staten Island fears migrants.

We’re almost out of good hurricane names.

Tech investors are working on a fantastic Bioshock LARP.

Today's Mood

War Journal

Here’s a new unit for aging: pants. How many times have the pants changed? How often have they become baggy, skinny, baggy, tie-dyed, torn, short, long, etc. Which demographic led the charge? How judgemental were the elders of the moment?

A closet’s like rings on a tree. Unless you’re my boring ass, and have decades of straight-fit black jeans.

I’m weekly at 1-900-HOTDOG. It’s a golden moment. Creatine for the soul. Thanks to everyone reading this for every level of support.

This would be a great moment to have haters to mock. But I’ve had one dedicated troll in thirty-one years. You can’t build a quality victim complex around that. Honestly, even my graffiti-to-arrest ratio is pretty golden.

Stale observation: second language tutorials for breaking/skating/flips do incredibly well, across multiple platforms. Idealistically, you could credit physical movement overcoming intellectual barriers. I suspect it’s the inability to plug your podcast or pixie dust supplement shop.

By the way, how about Everything Abridged? What a book.

I’m slowly sanding the zeitgeist off my brain.

Around my 30th birthday, I bought a “It’s Time to Get Schwifty” snapback, based on some group chat irony. I only took it out for workouts, since no one exercises in their good hat.

Time passed, and a question hit me. What irony?

I like the show. I like the episode. I even liked the line, and barely patronize the sites that mass-quoted it.

That means I like the hat. Life’s hard enough. Why play to an invisible audience?

Naturally, that epiphany immediately preceded Justin Roiland’s arrest.

The Present

My debut 1-900-HOTDOG column is a nuanced musical warning from McGruff the Crime Dog. He raps.

I made a tag-team letter exchange with Field Research maestro Amran Gowani. Look at that tempting BOGO deal. It taught me the acronym BOGO, because I live in a forest of ignorance.

The king is a generous sort.

I’m told WWE stole this microphone gag from Tom Greene.

Every universe is mocked by it’s own Everything Abridged.