Extra Evil - A Long Series of Stupid Events
Today's Fortune: Yesterday is your time.
Newsreel
Turns out you can fold, gloat, and do nothing at once.
Inflation raised ballroom costs 3.8%.
TKO helped wrestlers portray impoverished underdogs.
We hadn't defaced the pool yet.
A New York parade was half masked Gojo, half unmasked Gojo.
The FDA hinted at banning dihydrogen monoxide.
A Photo
War Journal
A long series of stupid events have me toying with my presentation. My old office would call it a brand refresh. I'd blame publishing pressure, or hearing my Madison Ave. trigger word, but it's likely my dramatic side. My personal cast's changed a bit. In any case, I pasted this on each soapbox I don't feel like bothering with for a spell.
I like this soapbox, so we'll keep talking. Isn't that nice? You're in the parasocial winners circle.
I put much more stock in pro wrestling than most with my job title. Back when that included tolerating WWE, a Becky Lynch interview dug into my brain. She'd returned from injury to the world's largest taxable cult, and pinned part of that success on some advice from a veteran. Hell if I can remember who—let's say Diamond Dallas Page. He seems fun.
To paraphrase: "When you come back, come back different. Carry yourself different. Be different."
I like that idea. It works whether your arc's going well or terribly. Between us, I have complaints about my push. Classic hot/cold booking problems.
The rub: whatever I do, it should be fast. How to Dodge a Cannonball hits paperback soon. The powers that be probably don't want me to look retired. Difficult, but paperback's the format people actually buy and enjoy, so I'm charged up. My research says people enjoy products they can carry and afford. No wonder I thrived in adland.
A long series of stupid events have me tilting Japanese again. Just Wanikani (a kanji system I've failed at more often than Demon's Souls), Bunpro (Wanikani for grammar), and Tae Kim (a grammar textbook author popular amongst the hip) for now. I'm about two months in, so hopefully this isn't just me waking up at 5AM and shouting "time to fix my life." Nothing is worse for my life than spontaneous crusades to fix it. Self-destruction can't compete.
I've had more colorful and expensive failures, but none as pointed as my undergrad tilt at Japanese. Pictographic language and I got along like...cats and...oil and...an 18 year old alcoholic and symbols his classmates already know. Princeton's old curve looked like the Joker's auditions. Though I have enough gamer in me to know I should've attained quality/sobriety/Wanikani.
Will this improve my material circumstances? A specific project? My backside tricks? No. But it will get a grudgey monkey off my back. And we all benefit from that.
A long series of stupid events have me visiting Berlin next month. My sources give Germany the most and least enthusiastic food reviews I've heard, so I look forward to that coin flip. I'm carnivorous enough that I should enjoy it either way, but that whiff of risk adds something for me.
A long series of stupid events may give me a new mailing address next year. Across the Atlantic. Neither of the countries mentioned so far, those are separate stupid events. Life is never short of stupid events. My kids' book would be called A Series of Stupid Events.
Fingers crossed. There are still hoops to jump through, but I'm confident in my vertical jump.
A long series of stupid events have nerfed my vertical jump for the week. Turns out the body digs "rest days." I still think they're a fad, but my limbs are trendy. You know how Brooklyn types are.
A Screenshot
Forgive some recycling from the column.
From Possessed Love, the tenth dumbest thing I've watched for the column. Consider the bracket.
The Present
- My new book's still great in hardcover. [How to Dodge a Cannonball]
- Sometimes I do a silly one. [Exclusive Evil]
- I couldn't ignore the name Possessed Love. [1900HOTDOG]
- The air fare is the expensive part. [Expensive Evil]
- My old book's in hard and soft binding. [Everything Abridged]
The Past
I still love this dialogue riff.
The Future
Aside from that first War Journal bit? I'm almost done with the customary post-smashup cut. So expect my most egoistic face for a bit.
Dead Sun Theory
Working on the same big one. Patience.
Not Brought to You By
I had a phantom memory of covering this, but the archive seems Calm-pliance free. What's Calm-pliance? Prepare to be annoyed.
I have a pocket theory on this flavor of garbage. I've hit it before, but I love to repeat myself. And this is some peak spreadsheet garbage.
Then again, maybe you love it. That'd be great news, because otherwise an agency's been infiltrated by aliens. Or were aliens all along. Maybe all ad people are aliens? I certainly wouldn't be an exception.
Anyway, the theory. Ads for business software, from spreadsheets to AI glurge, tend to be very pharma. The same zombie tone and imagery flows from AutoCashier FireBot and AutoRexia FatNuke.
Which is odd, when they have different handcuffs.
The main reason pharma is so pharma–aside from minds bouncing against their cages—are the handful of sane laws we have regulating those ads. You can't say anything in a pharma ad because half the dictionary's banned. Leading to plastic glurge.
I think something simple, and anti-miraculous, has happened over time. A classic case of monkey-see, monkey-fail. Spreadsheetcore assumes the pharma style is a feature. That if you want to sell a dry, technical product, that this is the path to Valhalla.
Or at least follows it's habits. Think of it as media inbreeding. The same reason we have ten anime called My Sister's Armpits Smell Like Summer every season. Get ready for this non-style to leak into other sectors.
Creativity: D+ | Persuasion: D+ | Sanity: C
A passing sanity score! It's like VE Day for this section. Maybe I'll review some more material that doesn't tap-dance on the human condition. Unless Vanta's some AI nonsense, then duck it down to an F.
One Sentence Reviews
In-Ear Monitors: Now this is podracing. (5/5)
Losing Half an In Ear Monitor: Wow, podracing's hard. (1/5)
Darkthrone - Prehistoric Metal: Ogg like distortion. (3.5/5)
Restless Spirit - Restless Spirit: Self-titling's very amusing for channeling MastoBaroFag this heavily. (3/5)
Kill Six Billion Demons (Catchup): The webcomic is dead, long live the webcomic. (5/5)
A Question
Signing Off
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