Extra Evil - Dry Cold American Bummer
Today's Fortune: Lateness makes punctuality special.
Newsreel
Bolton looked for clean underwear.
Spain remembered how Franco smelled.
Non-Prince Andrew had his worst week since the last one.
The market fell more than you want, less than it should.
FIFA shrugged.
NASA added a practice flight to the Artemis Moon Evacuation.
A Photo
Dayle's Charge
It continues. Well, technically today's a break.
Dayle's Charge Survivors still get half off my madness, forever.
War Journal
Two disasters ago, the White House announced "The war on protein is over." They'll strafe a bakery by Monday.
Overheard in Mississippi Seafood Nirvana:
Waitress: What can I get you?
The Pebble: Can I get the shrimp, and a Teremana?
Waitress: We don't have Teremana.
The Pebble: What about...a Teremana?
Waitress: We don't have Teremana.
The Pebble: I know, I'm just thinking. You can't get-
Waitress: We don't have Teremana.
Date: I see Jose Cuervo.
The Pebble: Is that like Teremana?
The waitress explains the world outside of Teremana.
When it comes to the human knowledge allergy, I'm always drawn to the old debates on whether a guitarist should, at some point before the apocalypse, learn to read music. It pops up in other niches too, I was just an aspiring tremelo picker. In that corner, the proud recalcitrance, the insistence that new data would somehow turn your soul into a pile of gray sludge, the unspoken sense of unease that the brains are coming for me again...it's a familiar tone.
The tour continues, for as long as my look's allowed to cross state lines. And comes with a few essential reminders. Not just shared humanity and everything else that goes in a third act speech. I forgot that I enjoy crowds.
For a certain personality type/disorder, crowds are easier to handle than individuals. My ego likes to think that it kept our forebears from getting burned at the stake. It's equally likely to involve selling generations of timeshares. I know a wonderful spot by the river, if you're interested.
There's magic to making the people in front of you laugh. I'd forgotten it working from the caves. I'm going to make a sincere push to do more of that. It may require learning to do the rest more efficiently, but that was overdue anyway.
The mind dies first: I'm melting into the enjoyment of puns. I don't know if it's terminal, know that I loved you all.
A Screenshot
The Present
- My book isn’t banned yet. [How to Dodge a Cannonball]
- Jason still won’t use his words. [United States of a Movie]
- By the time you read this, I’ve gone mad. [1900HOTDOG]
- Every wedding blends. [Expensive Evil]
- Headline gumbo. [Exclusive Evil]
- My collection might get banned first. [Everything Abridged]
The Past
Thoughts on reactionary madness.
The Future
Traffic. And a much shorter column.
Dead Sun Theory
Photoshop is more of a non-highway pastime. But soon.
Cult Spotlight
The Second Story Bookstore was immensely kind.
Submit photos/screenshots for the Cult Spotlight, and I'll be your best friend.
Not Brought to You By
Tonic's a flexible word. The believer thinks "liquid medicine." The optimist thinks "liquid product." And the vendor thinks "whatevers in storage, blended together."
Let's spend a few weeks with tonics. I'll return to strangling modern ads in a bit.
Round one:
Energy! Action! A horse!
We've got an intruiging list of features. For one, Clements cures depression. It's just gone. One chug and your frown's upside down. I can't imagine why we've let go of that.
But it also helps you eat? And your bowels? Few modern pharma products play both sides of a meal. Impressive.
I'm torn on "tones up the system." On one hand, I can't actually tell what it means. On the other hand, my system hasn't been toned up in a while. I think these tonic ads can give me enough buzzwords to start my own Goop knockoff. There's always room for another cult.
I assume this is essentially meth. More action! More food! More you! is the stimulant dream, and American madness demands a constant stream of uppers. Clements Tonic might hit Walgreens shelves tomorrow.
Creativity: C | Persuasion: B- | Sanity: F-
One Sentence Reviews
Alligator: Likely difficult to find in Bushwick. (5/5)
Boar: I think I saw one in Bushwick. (5/5)
The Cosmic Game of Snakes and Arrows: I knew more about spirituality before it. (1.5/5)
Galaga: The reign of "ASS" continues. (Ass/5)
Samurai Flamenco (Semifinal Chunk): Inimitable madness. (Flamenco/5)
A Question
Signing off
Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter on the freeway. Share it to dodge speed traps.
