Extra Evil - Flee From The Plot
Today's Fortune: You are the keyholder.
Newsreel
Little Caligula brought Big Caligula to the party.
Xi did his annual Pyongyang glamour shoot.
Some poor fuck in Israel listens to White House break rooms.
A referee tried to enter America while black.
Mid-budget movies left the endangered list.
Takeovers were Bill Gates's nice side.
A Photo
War Journal
"Are you experienced?" Nah, Jimi. I've bumbled through each zip code and birthday so far, and it gets more confusing each lap. I think I'm taking negative levels. Are airline stewards illithids? Do devils bake and decorate birthday cakes? Let me know if you have the answers, are the Temple of Elemental Evil will eat me alive.
An endangered species: the coffee shop laptop. Well, they still flood every window and unlit corner they're allowed in. It's more accurate to say they have a threatened environment.
For the shops, drifting from "paid library" makes a bit of sense. Enough Reddit leaked in March to make third spaces one of the highly-coveted buzzwords of the month. The catch: I like paid libraries, almost as much as the free ones. Variety is the spice of leaving the home. If I spend more time in my Columbia carrell, I'll have to start paying for heat and hot water.
Perhaps I feel misled by the stims. Uppers are, per my training, for pushing deadlines or dancing on tables. If Scrivener's out, I still wear breaking shoes.
All empty air, on my part. Engineering the atmosphere's the privilege and fun of running that kind of business. Though I wonder why gaping into phones is an improvement.
I'm not quite cool enough for Berlin. Most American writers in sight had the good sense to leave CokeLand early, permanently, and with a DuoLingo streaking. I'm here late, for two weeks, with the words for thank you and pork. Such is the fate of procrastinators.
I thought beer cheaper than water was all comedy. You know, like Americans having guns as a fetish, instead of tasteful foreplay. A gentle reload really gets my engine...let's move on. Cheap beer, fun place. Even if I only drink when the moon is full, romance is high, and my column isn't on fire.
The trip has charm, thanks in part to the ruins of history. Fragments of the last few apocalypses are around every other corner. I had a bag (of paper goods, don't panic) swiped at the Berlin Wall. One of the luckiest incidents in the history of the Berlin Wall.
Another source of entertainment: my host has a strong grasp of local charlatans and vendettas, my poison catnip. I have to know. For one, politically-affiliated techno clubs are a wild membership perk. and reactionary-affiliated techno clubs are a punchline I wrote. There are keyboard patches and midi loops only Bibi fans will ever hear. Wild.
I'll try to squeeze an Expensive Evil out of this. After the installment about the Fully Healed American South. And Miami Book Festival. And melting in Malaysia. And my year typing indoors. And...and...and...
You never read "civilians" in nice headlines.
Overheard in All-Blonde Coffee:
Pastry: I have to get out of here.
Coffee: Ah.
Pastry: ...
Coffee: Why?
Pastry: There's too much. The noise, from that club, every night. Too much.
Coffee: I like the club.
Pastry: That's not...it's not...I have to sleep.
Coffee: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Pastry: There was this argument, last night. Political?
Coffee: Yeah.
Pastry: I have to sleep.
Pastry chews nervously.
A Screenshot
Mortalzoned. From the Battle of the Fates psychic duel, the peak of trash television.
The Present
- My new book's landing in paperback. [How to Dodge a Cannonball]
- I guest-reviewed some previews. [Gamefully Unemployed]
- Baw-ti-whatever. [Exclusive Evil]
- Just realized I was the free article last week. Beast. [1900HOTDOG]
- Alas for Spirit Airlines, I knew ye well. [Expensive Evil]
- My old book's already in paperback. [Everything Abridged]
The Past
The Future
Tweaking, testing, refining.
Not Brought to You By
Check this mother out:
My first ad encounter in Berlin. Well, third-ish, but drama demands its own reality. I landed, and then met an ad for explosions.
Let's think about the goal for a bit. It helps to revisit motive before sentencing.
If you've read me a while, you know stealth bomber marketing isn't new or rare. But these ads normally go straight to government types, in various pamphlets and PowerPoints. No really, PowerPoint. The best comparison is, dismally, promoting drugs to doctors. Clip art is the difference between between Botox and the face-freezing agents you don't know.
Direct-to-Despot bomb ads make sense, if you can finish that thought without crying. Public-facing bomb ads are...odd. You don't see many referendums on drone vendors. So there must be a different purpose.
What does saber-rattling for tourists get you? Hell if I know, let's spitball.
A) Passive patriotic goodwill from suits.
B) Simple pre-pitch brand priming. For exam[ple, Raytheon must get some contracts over mom-and-pop madmen just for a familiar name in mass death.
C) Sometimes shit just happens.
D) Dedication to the apocalypse itself.
By likelihood? D>B>A>C. But never count C out. It's a strange planet, and hands dislike talking to each other. Free time? Unburnt money? Blank billboard? Drone ad.
Creativity: F+ | Persuasion: D- | Sanity: F
One Sentence Reviews
Is Your Child Psychic: Nah. (1/5)
Office Romance: Jennifer Lopez is trolling now. (0.5/5)
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season One: It's a miracle! (4.5/5)
Proton VPN: Clutch, but the initial launch-on-startup setting remains unforgiven. (3/5)
A Question
Signing Off
Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter taking tourist photos. Share it to leave the cap on.
