Extra Evil - Socks.01

Omens

Vance belched the loud part into a megaphone.

Iran won the match by countout.

SpaceX values look like a fish hook.

Antivax pandering nailed more US troops than bullets.

Don't worry, Meta gambling's coming.

Arctic surfing should be fun.

Mirage

Announcements

I'm typing this paragraph a week ahead of time! I'm on fire! I can't wait to finish the rest at 4:30 AM on Tuesday.

At press time, there's more orange on the block than black. I've never seen that in this zip code, or at a Knicks game. There's a whiff of eager madness, like a cult moved in overnight. But Scientologists don't leave Manhattan, so I should be good. Give me fair-weather sports fandom any day.

There's a whiff of tragedy to watching knowledge of the Knicks' owner diffuse. It's a bit like finding out candy canes are produced by Cobra Commander, or that Nestle is the enemy of mankind, or that Exxon wasn't a Captain Planet invention. The buzzkill's in the details.

Don't overestimate the attention span of empire.

Do you hear you inner child? There's a stock joke about nerds here. Enjoy it, throw a spiral to your wingmen, and return to the prompt. Do you hear your inner child?

Do you hear your inner child? There's a stock joke about millennials here. Enjoy it, revel in your youth/wisdom, and return to the prompt. Do you hear your inner child?

Do you hear your inner child? There's a stock joke about guys here. Enjoy it, fret over the geopolitical consequences, and return to the prompt. Do you hear your inner child?

I don't, despite my eternal Ninja Gaiden fixation. You might even blame my Ninja Gaiden fixation on my inner child's vacation. It's an open seat in my decision-making council. I couldn't tell you what that kid's up to for the life of me. Hopefully someone's feeding him.

So I sought out the ancestors (visited my sister), reconnected to the old country (the mall bookstore I used to haunt), and reached through time (avoided work for ten minutes) to speak to him (retread memory for once). I thought DD might have some mineable ideas, or at least be impressed by my clothes. The colors match and everything! It takes no effort, kid.

I barely got a question in.

The barrage got tense fast. I explained that while Megadeth is sort of around, it's a real ship of Theseus situation. And that I haven't killed Dad. Still, he took it well (Mustaine was sane-lite at the best of times) before asking after our favorite Vertigo writers. This would be a long seance. Especially when he asked how long the loon from The Apprentice had been in jail. It was much, much easier to explain why fancy desktops beat the last two Playstations.

Finally, I set a "no spoilers" policy. This was about me, not me. It was time for ideas. Grist. The deadline machine needed fuel. And true to our shared tradition, he had some.

He then retold the Clayton Bigsby sketch. Verbatim. Before adding "with aliens."

Good talk. I guess I'll kill dad later.

It's only 2 AM on Monday! Tell Friday Dennard to take his arrogant, reflexive mockery and shove it. A new age begins! It has two whole colors!

Entertainment

Another snippet from The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.

Absolute Batman, Vol. 2: You'll absolutely be inspired to put on a ninja costume and batter a robber baron. (4/5)

Saint Agnes - Your God Fearing Days Are About to Begin: A blunt instrument, in a good way. (3/5)

Genghis Tron - Signal Fire: Oh, it's going to be a good metal week. (4/5)

Monolord - Neverending: Speaks my language so well it could suck and I'd never know. (4/5)

Nightfall in Middle Earth (Revisited): And so I was cursed to a lifetime of dorkery. (5/5)

Stormkeep - The Nocturnes of Iswylm: The curse lives on. (3.5/5)

Battle of Fates, Episode 4: Human minds cannot hold this much filler. (2/5)

Six Minutes of Battle of Fates, Episode 4: A brilliant diamond of madness. (4.5/5)

Casino

I signed every How to Dodge a Cannonball paperback in NYC.

Love is... led me down the path of suffering.

I got a nice compliment on this one from another writer.

Nonsponsor

My old foe remains.

I should give it more credit as a bit of evil.

There's a world people want to exist. With weight-loss chocolate, moral invasions, and privacy-enhancing iPhones. Also, dragons that turn into spaceships, and they're your best friend. With a tiny bit of romantic tension, just to keep things spicy.

Tapping that desire seems smart. Close your eyes and believe in Jobs' ghost, and be saved. Whisper gently into your iPhone, and his heirs can hear you.

Creativity: B+ | Persuasion: B | Sanity: F

Mingling

Overheard, in The Arte Factory:

Kava: Blows bubbles.

Kratom: If you think of it, a win for France is a win for us.

Kava: Because...because...

Kratom: They're all black. Mostly.

Kava: They...they're...all the other...the other teams are black too.

Kratom: Black-er. France's team is blacker.

Kava: There are teams....Africa has teams.

Kratom: Yeah, but...you expect those.

Kava: Blows bubbles.

Kratom: This is big for us.

Postcard

Running a bit long. Still adjusting.