Extra Evil - Scorched Earth BBQ
Today's Fortune: You might run the Treasury.
Newsreel
Finally, government as reliable as a Cybertruck.
Big week for measles.
The Conservative Party of Japan pitched vaginal time bombs.
South African officers kept dangerous food from trapped miners.
Delhi students enjoyed a smog day.
Tarantula fans may drive tarantulas extinct.
Today's Mood
War Journal
A hole in my soul: I’d love it if Gladiator 2 sucked. I can’t imagine a better sequel decay punchline. A famous, critically beloved, popular, closed loop of a story. Now I have to think of decent jokes, and that’s no way to spend an afternoon. I hope Ridley Scott’s more considerate in the future.
Maybe that’s evolution. My clown brain stretching before the age of (more) misrule. I need to get good at jokes about Caligula’s horse. Lord knows I’ve beaten Nero’s concerts to death.
In any case, I’ll leave the typing cave to see it. In a way, I can’t lose.
I’m trying to take my habits less seriously. I drafted self-congratulatory jokes about Thanksgiving’s roots and the state of the present. But I really just hate planes and enjoy cooking for myself. Enjoy the harvest.
I met a few aspiring Secretaries of [Blank] in undergrad. The specific role mattered less than the title. They built their schedules, dates, and t-shirt choices around their eventual rise. Results varied, but there’s something semi-almost-admirable about that commitment to prophecy. Like a spice vision for tools.
Imagine if they’d known cabinet picks just need a sex crime? The campus paper would’ve read like an SVU spec script. More of an SVU spec script. Affluenza gave old habits a new name.
Sanity feels like following a losing baseball team.
That’s recycling, from me trying BlueSky out again. Between us, I don’t see myself crushing it there. The newsletter/column/podcast/book/late script churn tests the limit of my joke machine. But if you like seeing those things announced, or the little promo graphics I make, there’s that .
But back to the joke at hand. I’m not a baseball sage, but I podcast with one. So allow me to beat that simile to death. I’d call sanity The Mets, avarice the Yankees, fascism the Dodgers, and early polling Grimace.
The Present
If you preorder How to Dodge a Cannonball, I can afford human food. [My Next Book]
I don’t know why, but we watched 2.5 Dimensional Seduction.
Everything Abridged is a perfect diversion. [My Previous Book]
The Past
Egomania and rank desperation can co-exist.
The Future
Lobbed some pitches, no idea how they’ll work out. As for what’s in my control, I’m playing around with a different tone for the next Hotdog column.
Not Brought to You By
Digging up console ads is a joy. I can’t cite nostalgia: these struggled to reach their audience, so I’ve never seen the vast majority. But it’s my kind of research paper.
On to the CD-i. Legal magic gave Philips access to Nintendo mascots, and they did nothing with them. Can their ads do even less?
Honesty’s the root of staying sane in this life. I’m not reading that. You’re not reading that. Ads should aspire to be read.
Creativity: Dunno | Persuasion: Maybe | Sanity: Seems Fine
Writing this earns full time wages. I might jump back in the game.
Creativity: D- | Persuasion: D- | Sanity: C
With this angle, I need to brush history out of my eyes. We know that Philips fumbles this opportunity like a first date at Chili’s. But audiences and CD-i don’t. An ad playing that up makes sense.
Now, couldn’t they find a more talented child? Every playground has two artists beyond this. Three if you count Roblox directing. When it comes to talent, you have to spend candy to make candy. Ditto for the headline and body copy.
It’s a rushed, careless mess. Fitting.
Creativity: F+ | Persuasion: D- | Sanity: C
One Sentence Reviews
Eileen Chang - Love in a Fallen City: Rough time for stepmoms. (4.5/5)
Nine Sols: Everything’s peerless but the platforming reset. (4/5)
2.5D Seduction: The podcast’s worth the pain. (1.5/5)
Thunderbolt Fantasy - Bewitching Melody of the West: You know what I’m about. (4.5/5)
Easy Question
Harder Question
Signing off
Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter in hibernation. Share it to hoard food.
You're point about sex crimes as a launching pad for a cabinet post is well taken. Maybe there's hope for Vince McMahon yet.
My new motto is: It's gonna get way worse before it gets a little better.