Extra Evil - Sucker Kick

Today’s Fortune: The plan's leaked.

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Newsreel

No content beat insane content.

Should I reuse my joke about reusing my joke about reusing my school shooting joke?

The Internet Archive needs an archive.

Tenet should ask Tim Pool for a refund.

Memphis officers plead “not guilty” without laughing.

Jellyfish declared sovereignty over British Columbia.

Today's Mood

War Journal

I’m starting a support group for name searchers. I know your pain, because I’m one too. We can hold each other accountable. Or at least search for each other to reduce harm.

Check in with an old nemesis. Just to make sure they’re not okay. Some people are doing better these days, and it’s worth ensuring they’re not among them.

Most The Sandman trades are in my line of sight. As a morose teen, I related to an immortal genius plagued by tragic ultra-genius. And as a morose twenty-year old. And last spring. Bulletproof formula, really.

Making Gaiman’s one or ten crimes a twist. A familiar one, after owning Austrian Death Machine t-shirts. But I’m not quite used to it. I connected with my green card codefendant over those books. Our stab at fraud is now my second weirdest association with Dream.

So it goes. I barely connect with people in the same room, so parasocial isn’t even an option. And the dude’s not even in my top three art monsters.

For that, think shallower. My all-time favorite game is Ninja Gaiden 2, from Team Ninja. It has all the depth you’d expect from a game called Ninja Gaiden 2, from a studio called Team Ninja. And shaped the half of my personality that isn’t Joseph Heller.

For one, the game taught me that fairness is hardly fair. If you scratched an enemy, they exploded into lunch meat. If they scratched you, you exploded into frustrated lunch meat. Blood practically leaked from the case. Playing Ninja Gaiden 2 took the reflexes of a hummingbird hooked to a car battery. The story was a series of insane, unsorted images connected by tests harder than the SAT. I loved it like a family member, and couldn’t wait for more.

Then a decade or so of harassment caught up to the director. The games were never the same. The beheadings felt so rote. But if there’s anything to learn from Ninja Gaiden 2, it’s rolling with the werewolf punches. I don’t need Itagaki to hold on to that. Or replay Ninja Gaiden 2. I can almost finish that game with my feet now.

Interesting national mood. The songs of the summer were “I can’t stop drinking” and “I hate this man more than death.” Probably fine.

The Present

• The paper of record has some habits. [Exclusive Evil]

• My crossover special with Sissyneck begins. [1900HOTDOG]

• Lord knows why we committed to recapping all of Naruto. [Weeaboo Hell]

• We almost renamed it Weeaboo Hell R2. [Weeaboo Hell]

• Pete has bad priorities for someone exploding. [1900HOTDOG]

• This seems to be my favorite column for a lot of people. Tragic. [1900HOTDOG]

• Everything Abridged wins the day. [My Book]

The Past

I punted this out yesterday evening, flouting newsletter timing tradition. Give it a look.

The Future

Might flip the table.

Not Brought to You By

Let’s raise the stakes. Can the powers that be convince me to enlist during World War 1? Again, no. Bad faith question. I’m from the future, and I’ve read about Verdun. But let’s look at some posters. We’ll start with America, per myopia. And yes, the Sanity scores are still on vacation.

You left out “burn.” Wise. While I always push having a big idea, or an idea, you can survive by being pretty and laconic. Think Hinge. “I like learning, earning, bombing civilians, and sarcasm.”

Creativity: D | Persuasion: B- | Sanity: A Memory

One soft rule of ad copy: dodge open-ended questions. When you ask “Wanna enlist?” the door’s open for “Fuck no.”

Creativity: D- | Persuasion: D | Sanity: So Many Dead

“Every gal you know is watching. A real man would already be choking on mustard gas. Put a gun in your hand or in your mouth.”

This definitely worked on more people than it should have.

Creativity: D+ | Persuasion: B- | Sanity: Read “The Guns of August”

“Want to see cool animals? Join the Marines in 1917.”

We’re just lying now, and I’m in. You have a shit product, and your country stops existing if no one buys. Lie like there’s no tomorrow. There probably isn’t.

Creativity: B+ | Persuasion: B | Sanity: God’s Vacation

There’s evil genius in targeting mothers. Like our earlier war bond ads starring loyal children with loyal parents, it’s an ideological bank shot. Good work, Satan. I’d cut “We need him and you too!” but subtlety was invented in the twenties.

Creativity: B | Persuasion: A | Sanity: Dead and Rotting

One Sentence Reviews

Lancer: Yeah, I needed a tabletop mecha system. (4/5)

Sucker Punch: The bottom. (0/5)

Into the Breach (Revisited): Makes you feel like a clown or genius every turn. (4.5/5)

Easy Question

Harder Question

Signing off

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