Newsreel
Someone left WW3 plans on the train.
Abercrombie hit another trend late.
German pizza came with coke. And snow.
A nativist sex criminal may have overhyped a PR spot.
Starbucks promises to change if you take it back.
A past ocean-boiling meteor strike offers some hope.
Today's Mood
War Journal
Imagine if MRIs took as long as elections.
Remember: everyone’s job sucks. It makes consumption (the empire’s holy rite) a letter grade easier. Or at least comprehensible.
I use a 24-hour laundromat. With my habits, its them or the communal sink, and that’s a dark place. I’ve found things there that defy Robert McCarren’s imagination.
The night shift worker hates that I’m alive. Matching glares follow. And I get it. The 4 AM slot can be a gift from the gods. A chance to make rent contemplating infinity. It’s hard to find that kind of Invisible Man writing time. Or, better yet, time for nothing. Nothing’s hard to come by. My presence cramped her style.
Last week, I rattled off the above to a friend. They offered another thesis. To paraphrase:
“She’s five-foot-nothing and alone. You’re a black guy dressed like a funeral.”
That reading had texture. Rational and irrational fears make an excellent tag team. I could get indignant, but few people are progressive without health benefits. Blame Maslow.
Remember: everyone’s job sucks.
I see you there. Adding your program to startup. I have a very particular set of skills. And I will find you.
Beyond that weekly annoyance, the desktop build’s worked out great. Typing at home has a new color, which could be terrible news. I might melt into a troll that only steps outside for food and ramps. And my cooking’s getting better…
Off to Ireland next week! Wedding nonsense, I’m not fleeing the country. Yet.
The Present
Part Two of Weeaboo Hell’s 100th episode self-congratulation. [Weeaboo Hell]
Nothing like watching a new cult enter the scene. [1900HOTDOG]
I talked about Hard Ticket to Hawaii on Dogg Zzone 9000. Life is good. [Dogg Zone 9000]
100 episodes! The demiurge can’t stop us now!. [Weeaboo Hell]
The Past
Open your third eye’s third eye to the truth.
The Future
Let’s just keep the ship afloat for a bit.
Not Brought to You By
Sure, the Virtual Boy was doomed. But that never stopped any decent agency. Let’s see some attempts to sell Nintendo’s blindness generator.
First, some convention propaganda:
The body copy opens with “Ordinarily we would caution you not to stare into the future. It’s much too bright.” And now I can’t stop laughing. Life is good and beautiful.
Creativity: D | Persuasion D- | Sanity: D-
Next, a magazine spread:
My eyes? Legendary. But let’s let’s transcribe a bit of that:
I played tennis with a toad. I was set adrift in the cosmos. I flew into the mouth of a beast. It was just another day in the third dimension. Virtual Boy: A 3-D game for a 3-D world.
Skip the meaningless tag and terrible aesthetic. Those are game ad tradition. This angle works for an early 3D console. You’re back to the fundamental “step into a world without homework.” Points for ambition, this feels like you tried.
Creativity: B | Persuasion B+ | Sanity: B-
I like this one too! Was the Virtual Boy campaign better funded and executed than the console? We’re decades ahead of Joker 2, that’s fascinating.
No wonder people were pissed.
Creativity: B | Persuasion B+ | Sanity: B-
Not *only* a Virtual Boy ad, but it jumped out to me. If you could give your parents this without getting smacked through a wall, you have my envy.
Okay, most kids won’t take it literally. While the Christmas List toy ad is busted, kids don’t know that. One of life’s little paradoxes. Let’s generously call that a bunt.
Small sanity penalty: this lists a Virtual Boy game before the Virtual Boy itself. That’s a hilarious formula for tears.
Creativity: D | Persuasion D | Sanity: D-
One Sentence Reviews
The President’s Last Bang: A heartwarming workplace comedy. (4.5/5)
Game of Clones: Somehow, the production is worse than the ethics. (1/5)
DanDaDan (First 30): Uses the medium to fantastic effect. (3.5/5)
Easy Question
Harder Question
Signing off
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If the wedding planners had been more considerate you could've booked a one-way trip and saved on airfare. People are so goddamned selfish nowadays.
I predicted the divorces of both my best friend and my older sister. I'm not proud of this superpower.