Extra Evil - The High Seas

Today’s Fortune: Save that lawyer's card.

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Newsreel

Canvassers limped back to their personal lives.

Blinken delivered a strongly-worded blank check.

Infant syphilis joined the headlines.

Ukraine is stalemated, but losing, but on the cusp of victory.

The House remains torn on existing.

Room-temperature superconductors are sci-fi again.

Today's Mood

War Journal

This decade launched perfectly. What else would have fit?

Sea shanties were lockdown’s comedic peak. Yes, funnier than “Imagine,” or dewormer, or when the walls started talking. You can’t beat mass nostalgia for scurvy. You’re boned when sane adults say “If only we were syphilitic sea bandits.”

“Hanging Johnny” was the best one.

What can I say about my deadlines that hasn’t been said about Pompei? Help.

There’s a canon of government shutdown jokes now. With classics, lemons, crowd pleasers, failures, personal favorites, and formal experiments. We could give an annual award to the best line about our government failing where democracies, dictatorships, lemonade stands, and urinals succeed: existing.

That’s innovation. I, for one, am proud.

Gaming’s still that rare inch shittier than publishing.

As you know, I have no opinions on recent trust rulings. Microsoft is the light in my sky. Consolidation gives me solace as bald strongmen push World War 3.

And there’s some competition, right? For stepping on consumers, at least. Nintendo guillotines a modder every month or so, making waves in the pools I try to hide in. A fine reminder of emulation’s joy. My oven can run Super Mario Sunshine at this point.

This week’s iceberg is in coverage. The Escapist’s parent company (beautifully called Gamurs) crashed the ship, following the Kinja decay template. Which, come to think of it, makes this a hybrid publishing/gaming farce. The most ambitious crossover yet.

I’d ignore all of it, if it weren’t a cartoon version of events in food, newspapers, and inevitably oxygen. I’ve learned: I’m getting in on Big Air. Look out for WeBreathe’s IPO.

The Present

Macmillan Books presents the lighter side of child soldiers.

Every monopoly is my favorite monopoly.

Behold: the 2023 Comedy Olympics.

Imagine life without wuxia puppets.

You. Need. Everything Abridged.

The Past

In honor of today being a day, you should read “Only the Good.”

The Future

Word Processing is driving me mad. But you should like what comes out.

This week’s column covers your favorite celebrity. Not really. You’d burn him alive if you could, and I’d help.

Not Brought to You By

This section’s been a bit binary. Let’s get some mediocrity in the mix.

Virgin Voyages parodied charity songs last year, a concept floating between classic and hack. The gag? No kids on their cruises, leaving adults to binge in peace.

Okay selling point. Okay joke. Okay execution. Deeply stupid planet. The main difference between cruise regulars and children is gout.

Creativity: C-
Persuasion: C+
Sanity: C

One Sentence Reviews

One Piece (Netflix): Aspertame aftertaste. (2.5/5)

Planet Terror: Amazing start, I bet Quentin’s half is even better! (4.5/5)

Death Proof: Nope. (2/5)

East of West, Vol. 1-3: The most Hickman possible, in every good and bad way. (3.5/5)

Carnival Cruises: Never again. (1/5)

Open Question

Signing off

Thanks for reading Extra Evil, the newsletter on tap. Share to skip out on your tab.

-DD