Extra Evil - Cackling.01

Omens

Pederasty polled poorly.

Hazzard County went blue.

Flavio searched Google Flights.

Magic bean stocks dipped.

King Charles fixed slavery.

Prosthetics limbs are ready for flying cars.

Mirage

Announcements

Believe it or not, I'm a bit of a brand nerd. It gives me that extra inch of insight. As a rule, you should focus your brand on warmongering or diddling, and not dilute the message with both. Classic misstep.

I’m feeling better about the teeth. I’ll be a half-cyborg next week, and a full cyborg in January. What more can I ask for? Once, when your tooth died, you followed a week later.

Explaining the hole, however, remains odd.

“Most painful moment of my life” would be a handy expression. But pinched nerves really suck. It’s the level of hell reserved for Dante’s middle school bullies. So that slot’s taken.

Very inconvenient, since "second worst pain" sounds like whining. Try telling your brother about your second craziest ER trip. The response rhymes with “Balk Sit Cough.” You've been trained for this experience.

Still, emotionally? I'm ahead. I'd trade way more teeth to ruin Donnie's day.

Half a billion, incinerated. I could elect mold against Christ with that budget.

It's almost time to set sail. Well, fly. But "overpay for stale crackers" doesn't have the same romance. I'm setting sail.

Mostly to do the same thing. The first stretch of this trip, other than finding a place to store my body, belongs to the manuscript. And the column. And the newsletter. Freelancing's a bit like enslavement to yourself, but I'm grateful for it.

I'd be more sentimental if I didn't have to fly back for my teeth. I won't be gone long enough to miss Valentine's Day ads.

Does anyone have an electron microscope? I want to play a violin for Binance, but can't find the damn thing.

Entertainment

Chinatown Ice Cream Factory: I would weight much more if I discovered this earlier. (4/5)

OK, Zoomer: A direct ten-point IQ deletion. (0/5)

Wanikani (Level 20): Pain means nothing. (4/5)

Project Zomboid: Anything works with enough friends. (2.5/5)

Garo (Rewatch): Sentai pringles. (4.5/5)

Amon Amarth - The Allfather Awakens: Killer duels filler. (3.5/5)

Casino

The Mole chapter's my favorite.

Generational warfare gets dumber.

I'll keep posting it until you read it.

A twofer!

Nonsponsor

I prayed to Odin for non-startup train ads. Then a lone crow passed overhead. Was I heard?

Praise the Allfather.

Looks like an UGG store's hitting Brooklyn. Sensible strategy: in fact, I assumed it already existed. Feels like an oversight, really. But that's what assuming gets you.

We're here for the promo, which coated an L train car in UGG texture. Just wallpaper, not actual fur. If they'd gone for the latter, I'd have to give this some kind of award. As things stand, it's an amusing double.

It's worth noting that includes the exterior of the car. Again, amusing. Even when an idea isn't Rotten Tomatoes fresh, you can get pretty far on elbow grease.

The copy, mind you, is less than nothing. Each poster annoys me more than the last. They're cliches written by dogs for rocks. But I dig stretching and claiming the fur pattern association. So the art directors win today, even if the copywriters should walk into the ocean.

Creativity: B+ | Persuasion: B | Sanity: B

Gasleak

Contents may vary.

Overheard in Workshop-Approved Books:

Unpacking: How's life?

Stocking: My new roommate…it’s that kind of vibe. Do you know what I mean? She's that kind of vibe.

Unpacking: Oh.

Stocking: She keeps saying “that’s the kind of person I am.” Like, “I washed the dishes, because that’s the kind of roommate I am.” Okay? Just do it. Everyone does it.

Unpacking: Oh.

Stocking: And she's way to into telling people what to do. "What you need to do is." No. What she needs to do is stop. I think she's spiritual or something? That's cool for her. But the vibe is rough.

Unpacking: Oh.

Stocking: And she goes on and on about her situationship. This guy was supposed to come over. But he was at work or something so didn’t show up on time. So half an hour later he calls, and says he can come for dinner. But now she's mad, and it's this whole thing. And I have to hear it, and then I have to hear the story. Again and...that vibe sucks.

Unpacking: Sorry.

Stocking: It’s like…that kind of vibe. She wants me to like her too much. I hate that vibe.

Postcard

Be Evil.