Extra Evil - Groceries.01
Be Evil.
Omens
The creator of "Stupid Hoe" has low standards.
Voters noticed Flavio's last name.
Sudan and Yemen shared "civil-war driven famine" headlines.
Israeli elections won't be settled before I schedule send.
The annual Himalayan border standoff's early.
Your RAM's sitting in a warehouse.
Mirage
Announcements
Which demon do I summon to write the Young Money biopic? Or is this a "file off the serial numbers" situation? I have thoughts.
Either way, I'm calling it Grocery Bag. If you know, I'm sorry.
There's a chess night at a bar by me. The games rotate for about two hours, from 9 to 11 PM. And that's brilliant timing. At the start of the night, expertise holds sway. But slowly, surely, alcoholics close the gap. It's like a shonen anime about shots.
I write a lot in bars. The heavy metal and public breakups are inspirational, and I believe in chasing your muse. Even if you become the sole sponsor of the Diet Coke tap. Or the news tells you to write Grocery Bag.
The POV character of Grocery Bag will be Gudda Gudda. No one cared or cares about Gudda Gudda, so I can make anything I want up without taking people out of the story. Gudda Gudda will observe key moments in the lives of the Young Money alumni you remember, all the while expecting Guddamania to catch on. It doesn't catch on.
But wait! This has an Inglorious Basterds twist. Guddamania catches on, in the middle of Nicki's tilt at Governor. Which state? Not one she's lived in. Probably not even an American state. But if she can keep the Gudda vote on her side, Nicki just might sweep it. But can she keep Gudda's ascendant ego under control? Or her own?
Hell no. Imagine the flames.
I'm writing Grocery Bag in one sleepless burst this winter. If it makes me laugh, I'll make it a preorder bonus on the next book or something. Good thing no one in Young Money's litigious or unstable.
Luckily, I don't have to apply any introspection there. I'm trying to build a shrine to madness.
Entertainment
Run Hide Fight: Try harder. (1/5)
Run Hide Fight - Infidels: Try less hard. (0/5)
Basic Witchcraft: Full of bizarre VHS charm. (3/5)
Kill La Kill (Rewatch): Energetic, delightful, unwatchable in public. (4.5/5)
Casino
Watch John Major not make a comeback.
Solve the crime of the attosecond.
Maintain perspective on shortcomings.
Nonsponsor
More train poison? Why not. I don't get to exploit it much longer.
Some of you share my zip code and/or diagnosis. What in hell is going on here?
I get what they want, in the literal sense. Just Salad is tilting authenticity. But the process that led to this traveling from a whiteboard to the L train has me baffled. They sell salad. There's nothing real or fake or local or transplanted about rival salad. It's just lettuce and parasites in a bowl.
If there's street cred to be had, Just Salad has less of it. Salad Chipotle isn't the authentic version of anything. Including salad. If you can enter a supermarket without melting, you can blow a Just Salad offering out of the water.
Will each city get a version of this? Is Just Salad the spirit of Chicago? Do Austin originals only take their onions from
Creativity: D- | Persuasion: F | Sanity: C-
Gasleak
Contents may vary.
A quick non-Grocery Bag note on my week. I met a new stereotype last night. Well, new to me.
While lugging a stack of plastic bins uptown, I attracted some attention. Totally fair: I currently look like a toothless skateboarding wizard. That's weird. I'm not saner than my targets, just less corrosive.
One abandoned man suggested:
“You need a woman, to carry that for you.”
Now, I’m only half idiot. I’m aware of caveman dating roles. But that’s the thing: isn’t the caveman the mule? In the pure uncucked American past, don't I haul packages from secret family to secret family with my invincible muscles, while damsels kneel in awe?
That's a quirk of reactionary moods: they change. Tradition reinvents itself every time we're about to make some progress.
Postcard
Be Evil.
