Extra Evil - Observer Effects

Today’s Fortune: You're not a starseed.

Sep 04, 2024

Newsreel

The Pope toured photo ops ignored by his predecessors.

Mosquitos chased their New York dreams.

A Hochul aide took non-domestic bribes.

Pundits graded a debate that hasn’t happened yet.

The U.K. cut back on hospital-seeking missiles.

A non-addictive painkiller is poised to quietly disappear.

Today's Mood

War Journal

Are the mosquitos open to negotiation? I’ll give up two boroughs for peace. Any two. Save your Staten Island jokes for peacetime.

This round comes from my first custom desktop in fifteen years. My Alienware laptop almost exploded, so I figured I might as well play a part in my death. While the new rig hasn’t blown yet, give it time. I majored in pretty words, and just learned what thermal paste does yesterday.

I’ve already lost my right to judge religious types. I can read: no one needs more than 16 gigs of RAM. SHODAN could run on 32. Yet here I stand, on 64 gigs of voodoo, obeying unprintable webcomic jokes. Somehow, I fear judgement from forums deader than coral.

So far I use it for typing, a spreadsheet, and turn-based 2D games. Avoid my advice.

I’ll be 33 in two newsletters, which is a quality palindrome age. And, despite time’s linear habits, nostalgic.

After stumbling through grad school, I took ad courses until I could think in Coca-Cola. As the layer of my education that saved my art and credit, it gets zero reaction. You know how Earth is.

My first course had a wonderful group. Continuing education attracts people with moderate hope and a scheme. Not necessarily good schemes—mine fit on a Chili’s napkin—but extant. The icebreaker question was simple: why were we there?

One student’s answer stuck with me. Since his last birthday, praise had tapered off. He wasn’t precocious. Nothing he did was advanced, but on time. Overdue, by some metrics. His ego told him it was time to push. To get those compliments back, he had to find some substance. You can guess his age.

He probably needed better friends.

That mindset’s a one-way trip to the funny farm, and I might belong on the funny farm. While I know things take time, my brain prefers the productivity hack. I’ll find a cure eventually, or at least stop name-searching. Hopefully by the next palindrome.

We should support subway fights. A little tension keeps meals neat, tones polite, and speakers low.

The Present

The Past

I'd get arrested again for this prank.

The Future

Tomorrow, a bonus article. I intended it to be Labor Day’s, but I had another airline to contend with. Mea Culpa.

Not Brought to You By

War Bonds, Round II. Can the army convince me to pay for landmines? No. But can they fail in style?

I can’t say they’re not trying. Bonds as literal weapons are the first thing someone trying thinks of. Next time—and we’re almost there—try longer.

Creativity: D | Persuasion: D+ | Sanity: Nope

The good: I always get a laugh out of this angle. The bad: I always get a laugh out of this angle. If you keep half-assing it like this we’re gonna lose.

Creativity: D- | Persuasion: D- | Sanity: Look At It

Fun fact: bird kaiju were instrumental to Allied victory. Mindless, but I’ll give it points for style.

Creativity: B | Persuasion: C- | Sanity: Not Today

“We mean ours. Their children must die, and their mothers must plead in vain.”

In a lane rewarding maximum guilt and negative subtlety, you’ve overplayed your hand. How is that possible? Are you a wizard? Can your powers end the war?

Creativity: F | Persuasion: F+ | Sanity: Long Gone

I’m amazed we didn’t beat this line to death. Before you take my Peacenik card, good ads don’t have to be true. Just make a slick point. Sure, no one forced you into an imperialist sack race. But you can still lose it. This exploit that fear without getting stupid. Isn’t history fun?

Creativity: B+ | Persuasion: A- | Sanity: Still No