Extra Evil - Brain Drain

Today’s Fortune: It's going to get dumber.

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Newsreel

A bridge went from national landmark to national metaphor.

ISIS launched their comeback tour.

Coke’s made of sweetened tears.

Toei honored Toriyama’s love of maniacal princes.

The sun and moon are swapping a few shifts.

CERN’s still looking for reality’s debug mode.

Today's Mood

War Journal

Wouldn’t a double be nice? Even if you’re self-destructive, you could screw up faster.

I’ve talked about wanting a clone before. A soft sci-fi clone—a hard sci-fi clone’s just a kid, and I’m not qualified. I’m barely living for one. And for all my market-friendly cynicism, the gene pool looks fine without me. Most of you are less susceptible to hypertension and obscure cancers.

My executive dysfunction needs a classic comic book clone. I’m behind on a collab. And a script. And that mock podcast I dreamed up in a different calendar year. And that thing you do for eight hours.

It’ll come together. Probably. Maybe. I think. I might be melting.

I’ve dodged a big topic. The vital link between a creative and the public. The core of my theory of art.

My favorite meme.

Mine started in sports, drifted to the mainstream, and lives on in anime subreddits. There’s no formal name, so let’s call it “When I die.” The template’s simple:

"When I die, I want [team/public figure/character] to lower me into my grave, so they can let me down one last time."

It predates internet nonsense, fits a wonderful range of failures, and seldom fails to make me smile.

As for the natural follow-up question: the Democratic Party.

Dinner with a reactionary has five stages.

First, shock. You assume it’s you. The Atlantic says you’re polarized, radicalized, and should be institutionalized. The Atlantic can’t be wrong. It’s in Helvetica Neue. The font of insight.

Then, irritation sets in. Less with them, more with public transit. Why did reaching hell take an hour? Why will leaving cost three dollars? Delays and detours stretch ahead like a prison sentence.

Next, the darkness makes an offer. Maybe you can ignore everything for one day. Male socialization whispers like a snake in Eden.

Then, numbness. The void. You hear the latest vaccine theories. Innovations in transphobe slang. The soft whistle of the restaurant’s ancient heater. Will it explode? Maybe it’ll explode. An explosion would be cool.

Finally, zen. It’s good ramen. You’ll try the miso next time, alone.

The Present

It’s not morphin’ time. [1900HOTDOG]

The journey of one dollar through Congress. [The New Yorker]

There’s no way Shannon lives outside of jail. [1900HOTDOG]

The answers advice columnists have been missing. [Exclusive Evil]

Everything Abridged needs you. [My Book]

The Past

A nice web post about Everything Abridged took me out of a spiral. You can nab said book here. If you’re in a rush, the people like “Own Goal” and “Free Panels.”

The Future

Preparing for a surprise collab. Or non-surprise, now. You’ll enjoy it.

Not Brought to You By

Critics don’t matter much.

I’m kind-of-almost-sort-of an ad critic. And a campaign I hate printed money, entertained millions, and endures in popular memory. The comments might even turn on me for panning it.

Enzyte: Natural Male Enhancement.

These spots featured a salaryman with a rictus grin and army of admirers. Because of his naturally-enhanced wang. We’re not going deep here.

The problem isn’t the topic. Puerile and I live together, or half my output wouldn’t exist.

It’s not the subscription fraud the company trailblazed. Half the planet’s jumped on that scam.

This is the same gag as every other pump or pill in history, and people treated it like third coming. Seeing it still makes me feel like Frank Grimes.

And it leans on a jingle. I don’t dig jingles.

Creativity: D-
Persuasion: D-
Sanity: C+

One Sentence Reviews

SIERRA - A Story of Anger: Apocalypse groove. (3/5)

Afro Samurai: Everything teenage Dennard wanted or needed. (4.5/5)

Susie Q: A rockabilly ghost love story should be weirder. (2/5)

Battle Dome: Insanity itself. (Unrateable/5)

Open Question

Signing off

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