Extra Evil - Guantanamo Timeshare

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Newsreel

Send that letter early.

CPAC starred 1930s dance moves.

Jack Ma's back from space.

You can reuse your Dad's Guantanamo Bay signs.

A cult killed five innocents and one border patrol agent.

Cancer research grants went on vacation.

A Photo

War Journal

A good desktop setup's dangerous.

It takes a while to get there. But in time, you get the NASA CPU. A GPU that sounds like a synthwave artist. The mechanical keyboard. A chair Reddit likes. Twin screens. A standing desk obviating the chair.

You work there. You game there. You jury-rig Hinge. It doesn't talk yet, but the dumbest companies in the country are trying.

See the trap? Once I can kickflip this thing, I'll never be seen again.

I'm in Colorado for publishing reasons. Or will be, I start this section days ahead. Typing at 4 AM on pub day gets old.

It's a niche event, and thus quality. Meeting people that want to be there feels lifting. Maybe I've lost that cool antihuman edge. I hope the Care Bear version of my shtick stays funny. It'll probably be even more trouble in the new meta.

Nah, I was never that cool.

My mood has a little artificial edge: I lucked into a room upgrade. It's a trip. I haven't seen the Lex Luthor POV of a city in a while. It brings me back to the agency. Ads, I mean. I've never black-bagged anyone. Supposedly.

In case it causes some glitch: I cut a bunch of cords beneath the old Substack page (including subscriber rolls, to cut back on spam). I'm leaving a skeleton up as a pointer here for a bit, but I'll take the whole operation to the shed soon. Let me know if anything sparks or explodes.

Amusing side effect of internet bubbles: while everyone's crazier and I have a wider reach, I get infinitely less hate mail. I almost miss it. Few fans care more.

A Screenshot

The Present

• How to Dodge a Cannonball preorders keep me in Care Bare Mode. [My Next Book]
• Sam and I spark a few lawsuits. [Weeaboo Hell]
• I won't let Sucker Punch kill me. [1900HOTDOG]
• I wonder if this case is really fictional. [Exclusive Evil]
• A list of equally infuriating alternatives. [The New Yorker]
• Everything Abridged has deluxe jokes. [My Previous Book]

The Past

I pitched Modern Love once.

The Future

Some experiments, once life's done hitting me with banana peels.

Anime dorks: Weeaboo Hell is back on. Full disclosure: I was traveling, then sick, and everything else explodes if I don't do it. This week we're hitting a fun tragedy farm. That's a strange sentence, but it's a strange planet. You'll like it.

I may have a prank funded by fancy sources. Nice.

Not Brought to You By

Companies racing to swastika logos tracks. They never valued anything. That's half of what makes ads hard.

Here's a fun incident. Brands hear clowns like me mocking the archives. They don't care, but it's audible from the throne. Budweiser played some defense in 2019, by updating old ads for International Women's Day.

Take this 1956 original:

And the power-washed remake:

And it's explanatory caption/apology:

Now, this may make me the pickiest clown alive. But this stunt replaced sexism with air. The image has gone from backwards to nonexistent. Sure, corporations aren't our friends. But ads should wear human skin.

I’ll backseat drive today: for the King of Beers, try a royal effort: run updated ads sans commentary. Let them land as they will, then start gloating. This gimmick only works if the ads are worth looking at. But the ideas and art are smudgey.

Now, that's a lot to ask the brand team that tossed Mulvaney under the steamroller. But one can dream.

Creativity: D- | Persuasion: F | Sanity: C

One Sentence Reviews

Costco Chicken: I don't know how non-Waltons lift without it. (5/5)

Bill Maher - Is Anyone Else Seeing This? - My roommates know I can't resist pain. (0.5/5)

Hero Organization: A little too X-Meets-Y. (2.5/5)

Cyberpunk - Edgerunners (Rewatch): Close to home. (5/5)

United Airlines: Lord. (1/5)

A Question

Signing off

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